That's a big stretch

 Walking in the door to a tired face that I rudely woke up by existing, then a big stretch and either a drive-by or a shift from one nap spot to another.   Hey Old Man.

It seems like a silly little thing, a part of life you are so used to doing that you can't imagine not doing it until it is gone. 

I have said hello and goodbye a lot in my life; yes we moved but I am also the type who doesn't talk to strangers rather, they are just people I haven't met yet.  I like to say hi to people as I am out and about with a smile as you never know who might need it.  I might not be a touchy feely person but I do love a smile or a wave.

These past few years, my family and friends have had to say goodbye far too much.  Some goodbyes are for people to take on their next adventure and those goodbyes are full of adventure and intrigue.  These goodbyes, while sometimes heartbreaking, have a silver lining as I love when people get to take a next step.  The final goodbyes can have a silver lining but it doesn't make them any less painful for those of us still here.  The silver lining is harder to celebrate and can be impossible to see.

Just like saying hi to people with a smile to feeling a connection, the final goodbyes are mine to experience in my own way too.  I believe in God, I believe he is waiting in heaven to embrace us and let us know how loved we are, how lucky we are to be chosen as one of his children.  I know when we say a final goodbye there is something waiting to embrace those whom we are saying goodbye to, there is something better than a smile.  

I know that there are times you have to let go, it is the right and kind thing to do - it is a smile in its own right.  

But then those times sneak in where I just want to say 'That's a big stretch!' one more time.

Teamwork makes the dream work

I hate when the kiddo feeds me that line, such coach speak and yet, it is big stick week which always gets me thinking.  Teamwork makes the dream work.

Right now, I am in the middle of a very busy year.  This is a great year, and keeps getting better, but it is busy and it is easy to feel overwhelmed and then...teamwork makes the dream work.  If you have read this blog ever (okay, more than for just a post) you know that I like to workout.  That might be an overstatement, I workout because I can and I like the comradery.  During April, I was doing the OTF Marathon Month for ultra miles and, as is my custom, did too many inclines and hurt myself which meant biking.  Then, last week, I started my first Peloton PowerZone challenge which mean biking.  Catch a few themes there?

Yes, I am biking a lot (I have padded shorts, don't worry).  Yes, I am probably working out too much as I have had 4 days of 2 a day workouts over the past week.  Why you may ask?  Well, we have weekend plans and I will NOT let my teams down.  Sometimes, you have to dig deep and stand up for your teams.  

My OTF crew is bad ass.  We are running, walking, riding, whatever we can to get our miles in studio with guidance from true coaches; the competition is only against the person in the mirror but you never know who is being motivated by you.  I can promise you, people would be amazed to know they motivate me - although I tell them as soon as I remember to tell them.  Today was the last day to get our miles and we did it, I even got to run my last set which I hadn't done in 2 weeks (slow and steady but damn it felt good to run again).  We all cheered each other on when we hit goals, even if we hit them weeks ago - we made it through the month together and that was worth cheering.  Why did we do this?  A cool pair of orange socks. We did not let each other down.  We are a team, we made the dream work.

My Ride or Die Trying Peloton group is also badass.  We aren't in a studio, most of us haven't even met, yet we are doing our 3 + 1AR rides a week to get our team points.  As is the case with the OTF crew, we high five (virtually), we cheer each other on through messaging, we are there for each other.  Today ended week 2 for me, of 8 weeks - we have a long way to go but we will not let each other down.  Why are we doing this?  Satisfaction and bragging rights.  We are a team, we make the dream work.

What else has me going?  Event planning is one of my passions. I love hosting people, throwing big or small parties, big or small events that make people feel special.  Then I had to plan my own wedding.  I never thought a small beach wedding would stress me out but here we are.  Let's talk about the wedding crew.  Most people don't know they are in it.  We aren't having a wedding party other than our amazing boys yet I am getting more help and support from people than I ever knew I needed, and I need it.  Some of the support is hands on, some of the support is talking me down (this happens often), some of the support people don't even realize they are giving.  It is support via SoMe posts, jokes sent, texts, snapchats, phone calls (when I answer the phone) that have nothing to do with the big day (112 days to go).  To stay consistent I can ask why are we doing this?  True love and a lifetime together.  This teamwork that is happening?  Well, it is making our dream work - actually it is making my dream come true.

Are you still there?  Big stick week was all about coaches being there for the kid, his community being there for him, his crew being there for him.  Well guess what y'all, my coaches have been there for me without even knowing it, my community has been there for me, my crews are here for me.  They got me through every class, every ride, every oh what the hell moment of the week, every wedding planning moment.  Without even knowing it, my crews, my teams are my big stick - they are making my dreams work.  I only hope I am doing the same for them. 

Sometimes it is just a little thing...

Life is sometimes about fixing little things that make the other things just feel a little less insane. Work right now it the most insane - let's just leave it at that - and while I know I head to sun and sand tomorrow, that does not negate the insanity I feel.

Today, three little things happened and I found a little center, a little peace in the chaos.

A dear friend sent a recording of her playing a Christmas song on the piano - this leveled my soul as if it was written and played just for me.

I dropped Maggie Princess off at Granny's for her vacation and to pick up turkeys (Granny's Thanksgiving is an event not to miss!) and Granny gave me animal crackers - I felt loved and important because they were for me.

I went and quite literally got adjusted at the chiro (that I avoided seeing for 3 months, I am stubborn and fine) - it leveled my body and brought a center in it's own right.

These three, what seem to be minor things brought me center, brought me peace. What little things have you done that for yourself that center you?

Heading into crazy time - celebrating the little things

Fat Tuesday is almost upon us, in fact, in 1 more Friday I will be touching down in New Orleans where my many beads, tutus and MG family await so that we can ride in our Krewes, dance in the Garden District and pay the proper respect to both Pat O's and Marie Laveau.  Rest assured that I do not forget tiaras, they simply travel with me on the plane so they are not already in the Crescent City (unless I buy a new one again this year, then that one is still waiting for me in the store but I digress).

While Mardi Gras in itself may seem crazy to most, for me it is the time leading up to it and following it that is even more insane.  Between now and then I will be traveling to see family and friends - UD will beat SLU while I am cheering in red at the Arena, I have no doubt AND I get to see the Kiddo doing his thing, always awesome - working and doing other adult things.  Immediately following MG, we have a busy month of out of state weddings, games and a jaunt to CA for a race and some baseball.  Now you see my crazy, however, I don't mind it.  What I hold on to is the calm  - the routine of getting up and working out, feeding the dogs, hanging out with friends, working during the day and spending time with the Big Guy at night.  I find time to celebrate the little things like the fact that the dog didn't catch the rabbit, drinking wine on the porch with my neighbor in rocking chairs, the bed being made when I get home in the morning (and not just because I make it wrong, but because Bill rocks), What's App and SnapChat messages from the kids.  Sometimes it is hard to find the little things because life is overwhelming, I have A LOT to get done before the travel starts next week but sitting here, sipping coffee, looking over work email and writing this blog reminds me that the little things make the big things worth it.

Keeping in the theme of my last blog and my journey - I have a new little thing to celebrate today.  Green.  No, not money, while important, it is not the green I am talking about.  It is the colors of me in the green, and orange while still in my red.  Yes, check-ins at OTF help different charities (while giving them free marketing, something I also support), it also helps me and reminds me that I am not alone in my journey.  I have friends across the US in OTF and when I see them check-in, I feel like, even with the distance, we worked out together (yes Mel & Kim, I am talking to you!).  For someone who traveled and moved most of her life growing up, holding onto the fact that no one is more than a plane ride away and that we are still living life together is important, this has not changed as I have gotten older. Anyway, back to the celebrating my little thing - GREEN AND ORANGE!!!  Yes, I run red on the tread (I see what I did there 😂😂) but I am celebrating the green and the orange! What are you celebrating today?

Pretty Greens and Orange!!!!! 

A journey without a suitcase - but it has lots of color so why not?

I started a new journey last month, one that is personal in it's own way.  At 35, I started working out hard core and ran the first of many races.  Since then, I have completed numerous halves, a marathon and enough mud runs with obstacles to be considered a mud loving pig.  I really do miss a good mud run.  I have also gone up in down in fitness and weight, and when the weight goes up, let's be honest - it is harder to get the fitness back.  The word embarrassment comes to mind, but why be embarrassed about who you are?  Well, that is an age old question and I am NOT tackling the world here, only my world.

My new journey includes some pretty hard core fitness at OrangeTheory.  Today was distance day, and while I am a distance girl, even at a much slower pace than I ever was before, distance on a treadmill is a whole different story.  And then we need to add in the very daunting heart rate monitor that posts your effort range on very large TVs in the room.  The intent is to get green, orange and some red.  Now, I run red - shocking I know, drama everywhere - my heart rate runs very fast and it seems that I am dying if you look at the screen and yet, if you look at me on whatever device I am currently using, I could be singing or smiling (unless during all out - then I am full on game face, RBF has NOTHING on my all out face thank you very much).  My amazing coaches have assured me that I am good - and they are trained to know - at my 50 splat points while others work to get to 30.  Today, I still had my 48 splat points yet I somehow also managed 21 minutes in orange and 14 in green.  How?  No idea other than the distance run felt good - like, really good.  What is the point to all this build-up?  It is not an OTF commercial I assure you.

The point is I was scared to get back into working out with others, and I need others to be successful in my workouts just like my life.  Yes, the competition is against yourself - be better than the you of yesterday is not just a cheesy saying - but my old self was kind of badass and the new self?  Well, she is getting there again. This is all in my eyes, and how you see yourself is very important to your personal success. 

We are past the first month of dying new year's resolutions so now is the time - challenge yourself, not to be who you may have been in the past - stop comparing yourself to that person, rather challenge yourself to take on your fears (mine was humiliating myself in front of others while trying to better myself, I know, ridiculous) and get through them.  You might be in the best shape of your life right now, you might be exactly where you want to be, but as a human, there is something you are afraid to take a chance and do, DO IT!  Don't do it for me, or your kids, your loved ones, do it for YOU.  Find your green / orange, don't fear the red - and no, this does not only apply to fitness.  I hadn't written since October of last year...another fear overcome.  If I can do it, I know you can.

Life in a small town - and the live stock that think we are crazy

I often say that I live out in the country, and compared to the 'city' I use to live in, I do.  However, compared to real country living, I do not.  Regardless, I treasure our 'small town' country days.

Today my lungs decided a simple 5k should become a battle of wits, the lungs won.  Now all of you grousing need to relax, I know and agree that a 5k is not simple but this was not timed and I got to run it in step with Nikki and in the crowd with other friends, so that makes it simpler as we always have fun and kick 5k butt. That is not the point so breathe which I couldn't so it's kind of ironic for me to tell you too.  It was in the town next to us, a city in this case but still a quiet suburb city with great trees and rolling Texas hills.  Which also are sneaky and mean.

Downtown Wylie...

Murphy City Hall

After the longest and worst 3.1 miles ever, the Big Guy and I decided to have breakfast in downtown Wylie, the very picture of a small town downtown you can find in any movie about Texas.  The flags were flying up and down the streets, the kids were running around, the antique stores were open,  and we, along with everyone else, were waiting for a table at Ballard Street Cafe.  As we ate, I was reminded how much I like the cafe.  There are football jerseys on the wall, old photos of townsfolk, and a chalk board announcing the fresh made pies for the day.  The dry erase board proud bragged about the Daily Breakfast Special (I always get it as I am a sucker for corned beef hash and sunny side up eggs - well, the yolk anyway), a special that has not changed in all the years we have been eating there.  That regularity, the old time decor, the AMHO football jerseys, all of it are comforting.  The chandelier that hangs in the middle to the room?  Well, that is just like Bill and I, a little country and a little sparkly city touch too. I will let y'all decide which is which.

I could live here...

After the ever so healthy breakfast, we hit a Vintage Market at South Fork. Yes, that South Fork.  Walking in between the various vendor tents with a glass of wine in one of our hands, beer (Coors Light of course) in the other, was peaceful in its own right but it wasn't the best part.  The best part was talking to the animals in the shadow of the house.  Now this is Texas so really it was the burning sun but you get the idea.  The longhorns, horses, mini-horses, llamas, I stopped to talk to all of them, heck I sang with the llamas.  We walked in between the barns with stalls, I for one thankful that there was a big door and gate separating me from the longhorns - they are really big in person.  While driving out, we moved out of the way for the people on horseback, they always have the right of way.  I might not be a Texan by birth, and am considered more Yankee than most by my wonderful boys, but this part of Texas and the country?  I love it.  I still want a horse...not sure why there never is one under the Christmas tree for me.

One of us ran a 5k for fun...

...one of us thinks running that far is stupid.

Of course now it is time for the Cowboys game so we are back in the 'Country House' with sleeping dogs (and a sleeping Big Guy too) in time for me to make up taco nachos.  What is the point of all this?  Well it's really quite simple.  Today could have been hot, and miserable, disappointing but instead I embraced the joy of being with my friends - and yes, I recovered my breathing, very important wedding to sing for next week so I cannot die - embraced walking around in the pasture looking at beautiful antiques and wooden signs (I need to learn how to use a saw as I know I can make a Texas sign), holding hands with the love of my life talking and singing with animals as he rolls his eyes and dares me to jump the fence, moving out of the way for the horse riders.  Already today has proven to be another great day to be alive, even in the country.

Who needs 2 wheels when you have 2 feet

This morning, at the very early hour of 5 am, we sent Alex off to spend a week studying government first hand in Washington DC with 35 other Jesuit men.  Dressed in his collar shirt (you always travel in a collared shirt as a man in our family - it's a lesson we start teaching as soon as they fly which, in his case, was before he could walk), he hugged us and said he will see us in a week.

Like every teenage boy traveler, Alex had a bag with his clothes and belongings across his chest ready to get on the plane and sleep.  He blended in with the Jesuit crowd just as he wanted and it made my heart happy as 2 months ago, we almost had to tell him he couldn't go.

When we told him he had to cancel the trip to Alaska for service, he was disappointed so we held off on canceling the DC trip just in case.  The school, and his teachers, were amazing saying we could wait until 3 weeks before the trip and he could bring whatever he needed to make it easier.  He worked hard in PT and it worked as he got to still go to DC with a wheelchair just in case.  Side note, if you have never been to DC, the Metro is amazing but you still walk around a lot thus the wheelchair just in case.  He talked to his roommate who was good with helping him out if he needed too, I vaguely heard of some negotiation where Alex would ride in the chair sometimes and his roommate others but of course, boys would never do that (HA!  Yes, they totally would.).  Today Alex went on his trip with only his brace, Alex doesn't worry about needing a wheelchair because he did the work and is reaping the rewards.

In his bag are a week's worth of clothes, chargers, an eStim and PF boot.  He got a note from his PT so that he could go to the weight room and use the treadmill for his rehab on days they are sessions in the hotel and not walking around.  He talked to his teacher, who happens to be the CC coach, joking about getting up at 4 am to do 6 miles with him as they waited to go through TSA.  I know adults (okay, maybe I am one of them) that aren't even half as dedicated to rehab as this kid.  Yes, I know I am biased and overly proud but I can't help but think his dedication might someday inspire others.  Maybe he will be a coach or teacher one day and tell the story of what he went through to a player of his and motivate them to get through their rehab.  Maybe a friend will share the story or one of his teachers or coaches to help lend someone else that bit of hope and drive to push just on step more.  Maybe none of that will happen but he certainly has motivated and inspired me time after time over these past 2 months.

2 months ago we weren't sure Alex would ever have control of his right leg and walk ever again.  Today, he got on an airplane bound for DC with his Jesuit brothers to meet up with students from the around the US and walk around our nation's capital and see in person what they have studied in books in their government class.  If that isn't motivational, I don't know what is.

A room with a view, and no doors, and no windows. Okay - an outside office

Back in August of 2012, I used to sit in this same 'corner office' waiting for the kids to be done at Jesuit while I worked and drank my green tea.  Today, almost 3 years later I am doing the same thing.

This is my second 'corner' office of the day as my first one was at BIR while Alex worked with the best PTs DFW has to offer.  Right now, he is across the street taking his Spanish final (even with the work I am doing I am luckier than he is right now) and I am waiting to we can hit Ruthie's for some grilled cheese - the best in the world - before he loads into the bus to head to SHSU to beat Oak Ridge.

It is funny how life can sometimes come full circle in the strangest ways.  If you had asked me if I ever would have been sitting here working waiting to drive my son somewhere from Jesuit after summer school I would have laughed and said no.  Why?  Because 17 year old boys drive themselves and their buddies, they don't ride with their moms.  That is just not how this works.  Since April 20th, I have learned a whole lot of things change and while they seem to be hard at first, they really are kind of great.

This morning, two older gentlemen were talking and saw my Jesuit baseball shirt and asked me 'How are our boys doing?'.  See, they have grads or know grads and have been following our team so we talked for a while.  They told me how proud of our team they are and how our boys have 1000s of people cheering for them from all over.  It made me smile and reminded me how lucky we are to have Alex and Billy as a part of the Jesuit family.

This morning, instead of being in my office (and while I do have a window it is just not the same), I got to sit in the sun and listen to the birds, the cars, the occasional airplane and the voices of the boys on the various fields across the street.  I feel refreshed and alive.

This morning I got to see some of Alex's coaches and see him almost run up the stairs into school.  Yes, that running was not what most would call running but in our normal?  It was the fastest he has ever been.  I still am in awe when I watch how far he has come.

This morning I got to have all of those awesome feelings because I had to drive Alex around because of our circumstances.

Today Alex is fatigued from PT - it was a very hard work out - but he took his 30 minute break in the car and then dug deep and headed in to fatigue his mind with finals.  He packed his baseball bag with all the things that bring his team luck and his pillow as he knew this road trip would require rest.

Today I am fatigued because of the drives, the crazy schedules, the circumstances of life but I too dug deep and headed into the day.  I packed my bag with cow bells, rally towels and glasses for our long road trip.  How could I not if he can do it, I surely can too!

Suitcases open doors, since April 20th we have had many suitcases, bags & boxes and today?  Today I get to work outside without a door because of it.  For that, I am grateful and for the fact that I have a kid that doesn't know how to quit?  I am blessed.

It's a wonderful life - not just a movie title y'all

There is a lot of crazy things going on in the world, of course this is nothing new.

I have a wonderful life - a great family, amazing friends, a job that I like going to everyday and a warm home to come home to at night.  I have two kids that I am over the moon proud of and a man who loves me for me (and y'all know that can't always be easy!!!).  Why do I say all of this?  Well, not to brag my friends.  There are days I don't want to get out of bed, there are days work is the last place I want to be. Heck, there are times that I don't want to home and everyone knows family and friends (I include myself in that group thank you very much) aren't easy to deal with either.

What's the point?

We are ALIVE.  This is a huge deal people.  We are breathing, even if our lungs hurt the air is coming in.  We are able to get that hug if we need it (yes, even non-touchers like me need them sometimes), or yell at that person or project out of anger or frustration (ha - okay, I speak loudly all the time but I mean yell).  We are able to cry when life is overwhelming or laugh with unabashed joy in our hearts.  Let me say again - WE ARE ALIVE.

I make a choice everyday to get out of bed and carry on with life.  Good days and bad, happy and sad.  I make that choice and I want each of you to make it too.  Live those amazing days to the fullest and live the hard ones too.  You are a friend, a son, a daughter, a mother, a father, a brother, a sister.  You are a human and you are alive and we want you here.

Please don't take any of this as preaching, I am not arrogant enough to presume I can tell anyone anything about how to live a good life - I am lucky and love life.  I just observe and feel like the human race, really - those I love - sometimes need a reminder to carry on.  And because I do have a soundtrack for life (of course I do and yes, I dance to it too) - there is a song for that:)

Update - I just noticed that my last entry in July (need to write more - goodness knows my journal agrees) was about the same theme...things that make you go hmmm my friends as I write about what I observe...

How do we - how do I - handle curve balls?

Today Spring rewarded our fair little city with freezing temperatures.  Yes, I know, some of you got snow. I live in Texas, if we got snow in April there might be mutiny and the city might shut down for a week just because they are angry.  Freezing temps in April after a 70 degree day; it got me thinking about curve balls and how this is Mother Nature's curve ball.  A silly little one that is easy to hit out of the park with a polar fleece and cute scarf.

I moved most of my childhood life.  For most of it, I was too young to realize that everyone didn't move as much as we did.  I remember moving from KY and being very sad; I remember being sad and angry every move after that.  I have blogged how mom would sing Run for the Roses.  I remember thinking that 'maybe this time we are staying put - we aren't going to move.' until my parents would tell us were moving to next state.  Tears would ensue, and not just from me as I remember crying with mom more than once - a moving curve ball.  One I hit with a song, new friends and a new address.

It is April 15th, and a year ago we mourned a terrorist attack on the Boston Marathon.  If you have read this blog at all, you know that I am a runner, a late blooming runner who usually enjoys the scenery than the speed, but a runner nonetheless.  I was watching the Boston Marathon last year and cheering for the victors.  Then, a short time later I got a text from my mom that someone had bombed the Boston Marathon.  I knew people (via Facebook so no, I have never shook their hand or hugged them but I still consider them a part of the running team) running the marathon.  I knew people who had families up there cheering and all we knew was something had happened and people where hurt.  I blogged about it two separate times (here and here). A curve ball - a much more serious curve ball than freezing temps or moving to be sure, but a curve ball for all of us.  A hard, fast curve ball.  Monday we will hit that curve out of the park with the 2014 Boston Marathon and between now and then, many of us will be running in honor of last year's event.  Nothing will stop us.

All of those are examples, albeit ranging in severity, of curve balls that aren't the most positive of experiences but we hit them.  I hit them - begrudgingly and after striking out first perhaps - but I hit them. (Yes, I know the cold & moving are NOTHING compared to Boston and I am not trying to compare them but it was a curve ball for all of us.)

What about good curves?  Sweet spot curve balls?  Well heck, I have plenty of those, they are home runs.

• New job with new responsibilities that open doors and allow me to meet new friends (from their spouse no less)
• New schools that led to life long friends (I sense a trend...)
• Going grey at 18 that led me to have fun with various shades of brown (this brunette does have more fun with friends...)
• Unhealthy check-up resulting in boot camps and running leading to amazing new friends (there is that friend trend again...)
• Being single again, resulting in going solo to an auction and meeting the Big Guy (ooo - love)
• The kiddo - greatest home run of my life

Moral of this disconnected blog?  Don't hate the curve ball, find a way to hit it out of the park even if it takes time or tears (or yelling, or punching of a heavy bag) first. Jackie Robinson didn't shy from the curve - step into the box and hit that curve.

Learn from the Men from Others (again) - Be a Champion

Tonight ended the basketball season for the kiddo.  It ended without a victory and before the boys wanted, but, it was a great season nonetheless.  The kiddo works for the Varsity team, and tonight, as they were leaving, one of the players called his name and hugged him thanking him for a great season.  That resulted in hugs by the players, shared tears, and shared admiration all around.  This was the end of a long season where these boys fought back to Burn the Boats and end as Tri-District Champs.  The student section drown out the solemn drone of the game clock as it counted down with a chant that we can be heard at many Jesuit games - WE LOVE OUR TEAM.

Earlier this season, as the kiddo and I drove by Baylor stadium, a song came on that always makes me think of him - more on that in a second.  I made it a point to say Baylor Stadium as he got the opportunity to practice there with the football team after they won their game at the Cotton Bowl, another awesome moment.  The Ranger's season ended in Waco, tears, admiration, hugs, and again to the chant from those students who drove to Waco from Dallas - WE LOVE OUR TEAM.

Back to the song.  Every time I hear this song, I think of the kiddo.  He isn't able to play the sports he wants (according to once coach, he is an athlete in his head) but I have no doubt in my mind that he is going to be in the Hall of Fame.  I don't know which one, and it may not be an official Hall of Fame, but a Hall of Fame nonetheless.  Tonight this song is for all these boys, the players & manager - some may never play basketball on an organized team again, some may never know the joy of a winning season or a comeback like these boys did - and the fans - those Men For Others that once again stood by their fellow men and cheered WE LOVE OUR TEAM.

You can be a champion - Kiddo, you WILL be sitting in the Hall of Fame.  We all can learn from these boys...be a champion my friends and remember WE LOVE OUR TEAM!

Whatever you do - don't forget to lift your feet while throwing salt

Last night ended with the kiddo dancing around the house thanking the 'Sweet Lord Baby Jesus' because school was cancelled for today.  I have mentioned before, we are a boy house and, to that end, you never quite know what situation the day might bring.  It is always entertaining to be sure and last night was no exception.

He then went on to explain the four people who determine how school is cancelled and how the story is that if one of the assistant principals cannot walk over a bridge at his house without slipping, school would be cancelled.  This is one of those stories that no one really knows if it is the truth or not - he went on to explain - but the boys all live by it.  I wonder if any pour water on that bridge...nevermind.

Moving on, it got me thinking, what other things do I do that aren't based in truth yet I believe over the years for one reason or another.

1. I always lift my feet when going over railroad tracks (in a vehicle, I don't actually jump over them when walking or running, that would result in me falling and I need no additional reasons to trip and fall, thanks.  Big Joy told me that it was good luck one year and it stuck, I am sure she laughs at me from heaven every time as I drive over them no less than four times a day)
2. I throw salt over my shoulder when I spill it (much to the chagrin of anyone who has to clean it up after me when I forget I am no where near a sink - thanks Bill)
3. I always touch the outside of the plane with my right hand before getting on it (no idea - but I don't mess with it)
4. I wear my sunglasses on my Hot Chocolate hat when I run even if I don't need them (yup, night time runs too)
5. I ask God to bless everyone and everything in the world before I go to bed each night (don't want to leave anyone or anything out)

I am sure the list continues and it was fun to be thinking about it as I drove in this morning, over the railroad tracks, with my feet lifted up.  What do you do?  Let's have some fun on Friday...list them!

Flying into the future with a blue dog & flying kid

I ended last year as I have the past 2 years - with a race on New Year's Eve and one on New Year's Day with the kiddo.  As I watched him (far, far) in front of me I was moved at the beauty of watching him run alone on the path.  It was peaceful despite the music rushing through my ears and I was moved at how he looked so free, just him and the road.  Amazing.

Of course, there were many pictures after the fact and as I reviewed them, it struck me how much he has grown the past 3 years.  I don't just mean physically, although he could put his head on my shoulder the first year and now I have to put my head on his, I mean mentally as well.  He is a confident kid running at the front of the pack without a second thought.   He is no longer nervous walking into school, onto the basketball court, onto the field.  He knows he belongs and just goes to work - whatever the work happens to be at the time - always looking forward.

Yesterday I was cleaning out my briefcase and found his old Blue's Clues mailbox sticker. He gave me this sticker when he was a little boy and I taped it to my monitor where it stayed until I got a new one last year.  Clearly, I couldn't throw it away as it still remains with me, in my briefcase.   The past came rushing back of him solving whatever mystery Blue had for him that week in his big chair.  Even then, he knew he would solve the problem.

What's the point?  I could have easily gotten stuck in the past with those pictures, with that sticker; it was easier when he was little and I could hug away the problems, the fears, the scary parts.  There past where my little angel thought there was nothing his mommy couldn't do but I don't want to do that, or go back there.  I loved spending time with him as is our tradition, I love that sometimes he still needs a hug (yes, I hug him even if I don't hug - he is an exception to the bubble), I love that he ran out front into an unknown future and does so every day.  I love that one day he has a problem that will 'end the world' and the next day, he goes to work and figures it out.

Moral - I don't do resolutions but I do embrace the present and look towards the future; my kiddo reminds me of that, even if he doesn't realize it.  We sit down in our thinking chair or we put one foot in front of the other and we solve the problem.  The past demands it of us.

I don't run with my phone, or a camera, so I didn't get a picture of him a head of the pack
but thanks to one of my running friends, I will always have this one of the kiddo flying.

Sometimes, it is just about finishing your race.; even if there isn't an actual race or actual bling at the end...

This past summer has been an interesting one, life has thrown out good times, bad times and everything in between.  I have had moments where I was sure I couldn't get through another step and others where I knew I was going full steam ahead happier than ever.

This past weekend I ran double halves.  No, really.  I intentionally laced up my shoes, glided my body and ran 13.1 miles on Saturday and Sunday morning in 96% and 81% humidity respectively on purpose.  No one has ever called me sane, why should we start now.  I was with an amazing group of women, all of different sizes, paces and passions on this trek who motivate me all in their own way.  I also had an additional amazing group of friends and family I have know forever and friends I only know virtually or met a short time ago cheering me on from afar and supporting me whether they realized it or not.  All about the live and virtual cowbells people.

I once posted an entry about why I run.  I have written about running being a team sport, okay, so I wrote about it twice - I am a writer, it's what I do.   It is a team sport, and if you have ever run with a group, be it 1 mile or 100, you know that.

But I digress, as I often do - I know.  

Too often we set goals for ourselves, realistic or maybe not so much, and when we don't hit them, we feel like a failure.  When we don't crash through barriers, we feel like finishing alive isn't enough and I am here to tell you IT IS ENOUGH.  I didn't set any PRs this weekend, heck, my times were some of my slowest ever but I still ran 13.1 miles, twice.  I still ran through the finish line both days and heard my name "eRun Erin D Reilly has finished."  I still completed 2 half marathons and got the bling.

Saturday I ran into a friend that I met at a New Year's race and helped him through the last 4 miles with wicked calf cramps, didn't think twice about stopping to help him stretch them.  Didn't think about the time that I would be posting as I ran over the finish line with him into the arms of my wonderful man who came to cheer on my victory.  This was my 10th half, it was supposed to be my PR - life had many other plans so it was, and always will be, my 10th half regardless of time.  It was awesome.

Sunday was made of all hills (yes, a town in Texas that has NOTHING BUT UPHILLS) and when my body told me enough, I actually listened and walked up those hills (I still ran down, I am only so reasonable).   I ran with my wonderful friend as long as I could then made the trek myself.  I met a 13 year old girl and her mom who were running together, it was the 13 year old's first half and I had the honor of experiencing it with her and it was motivational. 

Both races I finished with my awe inspiring friend, who I watched run many many years ago and swore I would never run.  She is the one who paced me through my first half and to my yet beaten PR.  She came back both days (finishing way before me) and ran the last half mile or so with me cheering me all along the way.  It is just what she does, and it was great.

I will admit, the end of day two I felt down that I still was slower than I may have wanted to be.  I was wondering if I would ever pick up the pace again and then I watched a video my mom sent us.  I didn't cry, the girls were around, but I was on the inside. No matter what, good days and bad, I am Who I Am and am loved by so many.  I wanted to share it with all of you - YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE and YOU ARE LOVED!!!  I don't care if you walk, run, sit, crawl.  If you feel like you have no friends or a million you are loved.  You are amazing.  

You are a winner in my book, life doesn't always give us actual bling to show us that we are winners, but I would give you each bling if I could for your everyday victories.  Mine was realizing that fast or slow, I succeeded.  What is yours?  Now, wear your bling with pride.

Embrace it - whatever it is for you

I was going to write all about how great my weekend was, I even have the draft ready to go with pictures but after Monday, I didn't post it.  Like many others, I felt so confused, angry, sad, angry (it warrants being repeated) that I wasn't in the mood to be cheery about my great weekend.  Boston affected people in many different ways, I am no different.  Then we woke up this morning to the West disaster and it seemed like the hits just wouldn't stop coming.  I don't know anyone in West but drive through it on my way to Austin to see my family.  Everyone who has made that trek stops at the Czech Stop for kolaches...West is a vital part of the road trip.

This morning I posted the following on Facebook:  

"This week we all came together as a country in support of Boston and each other as we witnessed the tragedy of evil. As we woke this morning, we learned of a different kind of tragedy in West, Texas and again we all are coming together in support of the people of West. The endless capability of the human spirit to give, pray, support and come together is awe inspiring. Please hug your family a little tighter this week; tell your friends - even those you may have not seen in a while - how much you love and value them; take an extra moment to say 'hi', wave or smile at a stranger just because. We are one people despite the difference in our opinions, our beliefs, our heritage. God Bless everyone, my life is even more valuable because you are all in it."

and it hit me, here I am saying take a moment, remind people that you love them and enjoy life and I was not following my own advice.  I was keeping the lessons from my awesome weekend to myself.  I spent time with wonderful friends and family this weekend and I cannot let the terrors of this week steal that from us.

This weekend was jam packed from Friday night until Sunday night.  It was one of those weekends that you have so much going on that you forget about things like groceries or laundry (thanks honey!)...minor details.  However, it was an amazing weekend and if every weekend was like this one?  Well, that would be perfect.

We had rugby & baseball and once again, watching my boys do what they do brought me such peace.  Yes, they are two different kids and they both have different roles in their sport but they are both athletes in their own right.  Watching them embrace what they do?  Best use of my time - we could learn from them.  Go for your dreams and don't worry about the guy trying to slam into you or what people might think as you work on the book and analyze what works and what doesn't.

Saturday night was date night - something parents understand as a luxury that we don't often remember to take advantage of - at the auction.  The man and I met at an auction many years ago, and being a little bit of a cheesy girl, they mean a lot to me.  Even more fun?  I got to wear a fascinator come on (it was a KY Derby theme)...how is that not a perfect night?  

Sunday morning brought what many of my Sunday mornings do...race day!  It was my 8th half marathon and I finally got to run along White Rock Lake.   Even more exciting than spending my Sunday morning with the running girls, my cousin landed right as I was crossing the finish line.  I have many cousins, and since I moved away when I was young (and before most of them were born,) I don't get to see them often.  It was a special treat that she was in town for work so we took advantage of it.  

We started family funday at the horse races, my first trek out to the races here in Dallas and I can't wait to do it again.  Us ladies chose our horses based on names and spunk, the boys?  They had a super secret science to it.  We won't talk about who was more successful...:)

No trip to Dallas would be complete without a walk through Dealey Plaza, so the man gave us a first hand tour of what it was like that fateful day in November.  It is a different story when you have someone who was there telling it.  Even in that place, where tragedy struck so many years ago, we weren't on our guard, we were simply walking around enjoying the weather and each other.

The weekend closed out with a true Texas dinner - red meat.  If you have ever been to a Brazilian steakhouse, you know what I am talking about.  Now, I am not a huge eater but Sunday night?  I ate my weight in meat and didn't worry a bit. 

I loved spending time with my cousin, loved that my boys got to spend time with her and that we all had fun doing it.  I am sure there were stressful points in the weekend, but I don't remember them...I just remember having an amazing time with everyone. Laughing, cheering, loving, eating, drinking (it is what we do - we are Irish/Italian and you have to eat and drink for it to be a family event.)

Last weekend I got to spend precious time with my family and my friends.  I didn't worry about work, laundry, school, life, I just embraced the moment to spend time with those I love.  I need to learn to do that more often, life is too short my friends!  The laundry will be there, work will be there, school will be there, but times like these?  They won't always be around - enjoy them, embrace them, and while you are at it?  Embrace each other a little tighter; sometimes a fast horse, an auction, a plate of meat, a glass of wine, a walk through history is exactly what you need.  Run for your Roses this week...we certainly did this weekend.  And after the tragedies of this week, I think we can all use a little embrace.

Today we fight

I had lunch with 3/4 of the CN Mafia (great group of friends aptly named by one of the fiancees); we were sampling food for the reception, it is an important role that we HAD to do.  You know, because none of us have ever eaten at Fuddruckers before...hee hee hee :)

Anyway, while we were sacrificing buffaloes in honor of our hungry tummies, we were talking about life and death.  All of us are of the mindset that when it is time to go, it is time to go.  But we are all fighters.  There is nothing that we wouldn't fight through if we put our minds too it (we are forged in TM mud after all).  

Today, a friend is fighting for the right to live literally.  He is going for surgery for a new heart.  Yes, this is the same person that had a heart 'die' on him months ago while being prepped.  Today, the heart is viable and will be his.  We tough girls all made it clear that once we are gone, we are donating everything that can be used.  EVERYTHING.  If someone gets to live on, live on!  We certainly don't need it anymore.

So today, we fight for him.  We fight for his amazing wife and his two great kids.  We fight for everyone who can't fight for themselves.  Everyone is unique, has different opinions on right and wrong, politics, religion, you name it, but everyone deserves the right to fight.

Angels watch him as he fights today, and let him know that we are fighting for him too.

Silly Bunny

This morning a bunny rabbit almost threw itself under my car.  Why would you do that silly fur ball?  Yes, I swerve for animals; I cried when I hit a squirrel (I was sad for it's squirrel loved ones that will miss it) and I name the adorable animals I see on my runs everyday, but none of this is the point.  What is the point?

Well, this suicidal bunny got me thinking.  How many times in our life do we 'throw ourselves in front of a car'?  I don't mean literally of course, if you are literally throwing yourself in front of a car please get help as there is something not quite right with you.

As adults, it is presumed that we know right from wrong, that while we are in a situation we know what is going on and that we know what we SHOULD do.  How often do we embrace our inner child in the wrong way and  do what we shouldn't just to prove we still can come out 'alive'?  I will even go so far as to say that half the time I don't think we even realize we are doing it, it's just that inner child.

Oh - and if you know me at all you know I love my inner child.  She is what keeps me going on those rough days, long runs, thunderstorms, whatever.  Embrace the inner child, just not the inner devil child - at least not in traffic.

Time flies

And it's not just because I noticed I haven't blogged in a month, time really does fly.

This morning the kiddo and I went to his first official high school Open House.  The school we visited is smaller, and all boys.  It sits on a beautiful campus of wilderness (yet in a city) and the 3 academic buildings are nestled around a quad of gardens and pathways.  It was all breathtaking, and that was before we even went into a classroom.

As this is an all boys establishment (one of two that the boy is looking at),it was refreshing to see the teachers let the boys be, well, boys.  As the chemistry professor put it "We can let them be boys, or we can try to stop them which just means they will be boys, only behind our back and won't behave when we need them too!"  The boys supported each other, helping each other out and prodding when need be.

What's the point?  Kids grow up so much faster now than I ever did - the pressures of the world, constant communication, internet...you name it.  Today we started with mass in the chapel and a cell phone rang (I pity that boy!) and that was the last of the invasions until I got back in my car.   When one of the older students was asked what they thought of the fact that these students don't use laptops in class they said that it doesn't bother them.  They still use pens and paper, they still have to know how to spell without the red lines directing what to fix.

When's the last time you used pen and paper, then put it down to go in the courtyard and throw a frisbee?   Watched it fly like time before it reaches its destination...

It's Mom's Day!!!

Growing up, we all say - 'Please don't let me grow up to be like my Mother!' and slowly, but surely, we have kids and we do.

Well today is my Mom's birthday and I am proud to say, I have grown up to be just like my Mother and I thank God everyday for letting me be her daughter and for the things she has taught me.

Happy Birthday Mom - I love you!

(And yes, today I would pop my bubble & give you a big hug:)

Friday Night Lights

I am not from Texas, but I have lived here longer than any other place in my life. My son is born and raised here; my boyfriend and his son are as well. Maybe it is in the Texas blood, to be born knowing intrinsically what Friday Night Lights are...

I went to high school in Virginia and Ohio. I don't think I ever paid for a football game, and I know we didn't have reserved seats or turf fields (and yes, I acknowledge that it might be different now). I remember them being a place to hang out with your friends. To get away from your parents for a little while in a safe place. I am a big school spirit person so I was there to cheer on our teams too. And while the latter is still true here in Texas, there are things that are different.

We have season tickets with parking passes to the games. They are awesome seats - 50 yard line, no one in front of us, season tickets. At this school, as previous posts mentioned, the history is so ingrained that I think there were as many adults without kids at the school anymore as there were with kids still there.

I remember the old bleachers and grassy fields, but these stadiums are new and big and shiny (the public schools are even more so) with real seats. And yes, they are turf - no grass here.

Everyone is at this game, everyone knows that during football season, this is where you are on Friday nights. To me, who didn't grow up with it, it is amazing to watch the community be all about this one normal Friday night game...and to be that way every week.

What's my point? Well, simply that it is a new world that my son will be going into - be it at this particular high school or one of the other catholic schools, it's a new world that he seems to slide right into without fail. I have been to a few games before, but now? It seems so much more real...and I think I finally understand what people mean by Friday Night Lights.

PS: The Rangers won by 1 point (not 1 touchdown, 1 point) and yes, I was screaming as much as the next person in the 100+ degree heat.