Lucky to be along for the ride

Since December 2011, a group of us have run the New Years Double.  We have run 5ks or halves or both, and by run, I mean everything from walking to running to dancing in the ice rain crying our eyes out.  This year was no different and yet it was.

This year, we had some - shall we say 'bump?' (hahahaha that's funny stuff so laugh) - along the way that put our NYD in jeopardy.  See, I still do the back-to-back races because of Alex, it is a mother son tradition that has come to be a love and hate in our house.  Last year, it was ice raining on the Day so we didn't run.  I thought about it but realized I really wanted to do it with him and ice rain alone wasn't the tradition!  Sure, my other crazy friends were still out there doing it but Alex wouldn't be and my bed was warm (as warm as the champagne was the night before admittedly).  Back to this year, this year, we weren't sure Alex was going to be able to complete 3.1 miles.  It is a lot longer than you might think, and, well, that bump again.  But guess what?  Once again, the kiddo taught me that if you just put one foot in front of the other, we can solve any problem.  Okay, maybe this year I taught him too.  We taught each other.

This year, we lined up in the cold before the sun was up to complete our last 5k of 2015.  As always, he took off like a bat out of hell (damn 17 year old) and I sprinted to keep up with him.  Only this year, he had a brace on his ankle.  A small, almost unnoticeable brace, that kept his foot from dropping, that kept his ankle moving the way it is supposed to normally.  This year, like all the other years, he hadn't ran since the last NYD event, only this year, he also spent some time not walking.  This year, he sprinted to the 1 mile sign like every year, but this year, the 1 mile sign was his goal - it was his race finish line.  When he made it to 1 mile, he tapped that sign, which he does for every mile marker, and stopped with a huge smile on his face and I cried.  You read that right, I cried real tears down my face.  I was running with a buddy of mine who I met in a race years and years ago and he saw it.  I walked up to Alex and hugged him and he hugged me back.  A short 8 months and 11 days after having a paralyzed right leg, after using a big stick to walk, Alex ran a mile.  This was a cry zone moment - the pride was just too much.

Of course, it was then that the real race started, the 2.1 mile walk (that seemed so much longer due to a mistake on the course causing us to walk loops instead of out and back).  We spent the next 40 minutes or so talking to each other about the year, about the future, about the hills, about the ducks (I always talk to the animals).  We joked around and we were serious.  We watched the sun and the clouds.  We did every step together.  That time together?  Well, I will hold onto that forever.

The 3 mile marker came (it came twice and the first one was a cruel joke that resulted in him running and losing some steam) and he took off again as he was bound to beat me of course - which he did.  He then did something that I have seen him do before, that I have done since I was his age and younger - he stuck his arms out and we flew into the finish line.  He got his medal, his water, his bagel.  He hugged me again and simply said 'I did it Mom.'  Then he stopped and did something else that shows how much he has matured, he said 'I am tired and sore.'

Yes, there are people who have it much harder than my 17 year old kiddo, but this isn't about that.  This isn't about Alex's struggle either.  This is about his victory, his maturity, his amazing spirit that knows when to take it one step at a time, when to sprint to a line and when to fly.  This is about a mother/son tradition that has stood the test of high school and everything those 4 years have brought us.

The next day, Alex stayed in bed and I ran the race with my friends for both of us.  With every step I thought about Alex and our tradition.  In his spirit, he wanted to be there, but in his mind, he knew it was time for the body to heal once again.  The NYE race was a vital part of healing his mind and his body - reminding him about his journey, his success.  The NYD rest was a vital part of healing his mind and body too - reminding him about his journey, his success again.

Alex and I might not get the chance to do this race again, but if life has taught us anything, it is you never know what is going to happen next.  What I do know is that after an adventurous 2015, Alex walks, Alex runs, and Alex flies.  I am just lucky to be along for the ride.

12/31/2011 - 12/31/2015
One foot in front of the other - always together.

Embrace it - whatever it is for you

I was going to write all about how great my weekend was, I even have the draft ready to go with pictures but after Monday, I didn't post it.  Like many others, I felt so confused, angry, sad, angry (it warrants being repeated) that I wasn't in the mood to be cheery about my great weekend.  Boston affected people in many different ways, I am no different.  Then we woke up this morning to the West disaster and it seemed like the hits just wouldn't stop coming.  I don't know anyone in West but drive through it on my way to Austin to see my family.  Everyone who has made that trek stops at the Czech Stop for kolaches...West is a vital part of the road trip.

This morning I posted the following on Facebook:  

"This week we all came together as a country in support of Boston and each other as we witnessed the tragedy of evil. As we woke this morning, we learned of a different kind of tragedy in West, Texas and again we all are coming together in support of the people of West. The endless capability of the human spirit to give, pray, support and come together is awe inspiring. Please hug your family a little tighter this week; tell your friends - even those you may have not seen in a while - how much you love and value them; take an extra moment to say 'hi', wave or smile at a stranger just because. We are one people despite the difference in our opinions, our beliefs, our heritage. God Bless everyone, my life is even more valuable because you are all in it."

and it hit me, here I am saying take a moment, remind people that you love them and enjoy life and I was not following my own advice.  I was keeping the lessons from my awesome weekend to myself.  I spent time with wonderful friends and family this weekend and I cannot let the terrors of this week steal that from us.

This weekend was jam packed from Friday night until Sunday night.  It was one of those weekends that you have so much going on that you forget about things like groceries or laundry (thanks honey!)...minor details.  However, it was an amazing weekend and if every weekend was like this one?  Well, that would be perfect.

We had rugby & baseball and once again, watching my boys do what they do brought me such peace.  Yes, they are two different kids and they both have different roles in their sport but they are both athletes in their own right.  Watching them embrace what they do?  Best use of my time - we could learn from them.  Go for your dreams and don't worry about the guy trying to slam into you or what people might think as you work on the book and analyze what works and what doesn't.

Saturday night was date night - something parents understand as a luxury that we don't often remember to take advantage of - at the auction.  The man and I met at an auction many years ago, and being a little bit of a cheesy girl, they mean a lot to me.  Even more fun?  I got to wear a fascinator come on (it was a KY Derby theme)...how is that not a perfect night?  

Sunday morning brought what many of my Sunday mornings do...race day!  It was my 8th half marathon and I finally got to run along White Rock Lake.   Even more exciting than spending my Sunday morning with the running girls, my cousin landed right as I was crossing the finish line.  I have many cousins, and since I moved away when I was young (and before most of them were born,) I don't get to see them often.  It was a special treat that she was in town for work so we took advantage of it.  

We started family funday at the horse races, my first trek out to the races here in Dallas and I can't wait to do it again.  Us ladies chose our horses based on names and spunk, the boys?  They had a super secret science to it.  We won't talk about who was more successful...:)

No trip to Dallas would be complete without a walk through Dealey Plaza, so the man gave us a first hand tour of what it was like that fateful day in November.  It is a different story when you have someone who was there telling it.  Even in that place, where tragedy struck so many years ago, we weren't on our guard, we were simply walking around enjoying the weather and each other.

The weekend closed out with a true Texas dinner - red meat.  If you have ever been to a Brazilian steakhouse, you know what I am talking about.  Now, I am not a huge eater but Sunday night?  I ate my weight in meat and didn't worry a bit. 

I loved spending time with my cousin, loved that my boys got to spend time with her and that we all had fun doing it.  I am sure there were stressful points in the weekend, but I don't remember them...I just remember having an amazing time with everyone. Laughing, cheering, loving, eating, drinking (it is what we do - we are Irish/Italian and you have to eat and drink for it to be a family event.)

Last weekend I got to spend precious time with my family and my friends.  I didn't worry about work, laundry, school, life, I just embraced the moment to spend time with those I love.  I need to learn to do that more often, life is too short my friends!  The laundry will be there, work will be there, school will be there, but times like these?  They won't always be around - enjoy them, embrace them, and while you are at it?  Embrace each other a little tighter; sometimes a fast horse, an auction, a plate of meat, a glass of wine, a walk through history is exactly what you need.  Run for your Roses this week...we certainly did this weekend.  And after the tragedies of this week, I think we can all use a little embrace.

We are all a team - and now we all need to pray.

My posts are, normally, uplifting.  They are about appreciating the little things and how the adventures I encounter form my thoughts and days.  Today I have questions.

I was ready to write about my amazing and full weekend.  The wonderful people I had fun with, the family adventures we encountered but now?  Now I am confused.

I am a runner and one thing I have learned is that running is a team sport.  I run with some wonderful ladies and we get each other through our easy and hard runs - easy and hard days.  I am on numerous FB groups where we cheer each other on as if we are old friends, and yet, we have never met.  We are all kindred spirits, we run together.

Today, we were all cheering for our fellow runners in the Boston Marathon - we are their cheerleaders from all over the globe. Some of us even have far fetched dreams of making it some day.  Now we are asking questions.  Now we are praying.

We don't know what has happened, and we don't have answers.  It may be a while before we know anything but one thing I do know - we need to pray.  We need pray for the runners who are done, the runners who are still on the course, the fans, the families and friends cheering from home and can't get updates.

We are all a team - and now we all need to pray.

Because I can

On March 3rd, I ran my first marathon.  This was a huge deal for me for so many reasons.  26.2 down.  I can say the words "I am a marathoner" and be proud of it.  I had an amazing group of friends come and cheer for me in Arkansas - yup, they drove the 5 hours to Arkansas - through the whole thing.  At one point, they actually fed me, FED ME, and I let them.  I asked for hugs at the end, the non-toucher needing hugs and help walking, but that is neither here nor there.  I had more family and friends cheering for me from a far - they were with me the whole time too whether they realized it or not.

That whole amazing experience, where I started as a girl who started running a year and a half ago, made me realize just how much a person is capable of doing.  I did start and end as a different person and would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of doing another one, pain, tears, scars and all.  I am a marathoner, and that is not the most amazing thing that happened to me that weekend.

On March 2nd, I walked in the Walk MS event in Dallas for the third straight year.  Lauren and I walked with our families for a cure.  It was awesome to see the amount of people out there walking, riding, running, scooting, whatever it took to show the dedication we have to find a cure for MS.  I don't know how many more years we will be walking it together (there is talk of a tent with a hostess next year) but I know I will be walking it as long as these two legs will carry me, just like I will be running in races as long as the same two legs will carry me.  Why?  Because I can.

I got countless emails and texts the week after asking me how I felt and my most honest answer was that I felt blessed.  Yes, I was sore as hell and I could never imagine running a 5k, let alone a marathon, ever again, but more than that? I felt lucky.

Somewhere between my wipe out after mile 8 and the hill from hell at mile 24 I realized something.  I was doing what so many people cannot.  The day before, I was celebrating and walking in honor of so many people who would LOVE to be able to run even a mile, let alone 26.2.  Sunday, I was realizing a dream I had put my mind too. My legs, muscles, feet, lungs, heart - sure, they may have been screaming and cramping in ways I didn't know was possible - were carrying me the whole way.

I wrote this many weeks ago and never posted it, I still don't think it provides the full message, or emotion, of what I feel about that weekend but it was time to hit 'Publish'.  People still ask me why I did it.  People think I have lost my mind as it is bad for my knees, or hips, or doesn't need to happen as no one is chasing me, or takes too much time, or or or.  The real answer is I did it because I can and so many others cannot.  And it isn't because they don't want to, or they just don't care to put in the training or try, they physically cannot do it.

I am a marathoner because I ran 26.2 miles and I did it because I can.