That's a big stretch

 Walking in the door to a tired face that I rudely woke up by existing, then a big stretch and either a drive-by or a shift from one nap spot to another.   Hey Old Man.

It seems like a silly little thing, a part of life you are so used to doing that you can't imagine not doing it until it is gone. 

I have said hello and goodbye a lot in my life; yes we moved but I am also the type who doesn't talk to strangers rather, they are just people I haven't met yet.  I like to say hi to people as I am out and about with a smile as you never know who might need it.  I might not be a touchy feely person but I do love a smile or a wave.

These past few years, my family and friends have had to say goodbye far too much.  Some goodbyes are for people to take on their next adventure and those goodbyes are full of adventure and intrigue.  These goodbyes, while sometimes heartbreaking, have a silver lining as I love when people get to take a next step.  The final goodbyes can have a silver lining but it doesn't make them any less painful for those of us still here.  The silver lining is harder to celebrate and can be impossible to see.

Just like saying hi to people with a smile to feeling a connection, the final goodbyes are mine to experience in my own way too.  I believe in God, I believe he is waiting in heaven to embrace us and let us know how loved we are, how lucky we are to be chosen as one of his children.  I know when we say a final goodbye there is something waiting to embrace those whom we are saying goodbye to, there is something better than a smile.  

I know that there are times you have to let go, it is the right and kind thing to do - it is a smile in its own right.  

But then those times sneak in where I just want to say 'That's a big stretch!' one more time.

Together, we fly

This morning, I had the opportunity to meet with my mentee, Kara, face-to-face for our second networking session.  She told me that she has to write a brief reflection after our meetings, how very Jesuit of the Marianists, and I decided I would as well.

From our first Zoom, I already knew Kara was a determined young lady – no doubt she was going to fit into the Flyer community – I am even more impressed now.  Kara did not blink when I said we were going to eat with the alumni leadership, embracing the chance to see what it is we did.  The conversations we had about her job, classes, network; the way this freshman in college discussed with drive and passion her situation, talking to others in the room (after being exhausted from a day of IACT, work and post-basketball events), welcoming advice and counsel from every direction – impressive is not a strong enough word.  I find myself in awe of what the Flyer Promise program does for our students, how it only improves what the UD community is and what it will be in the future.

Kara is working with ESPN+ & Flyers Sports TV, she is a Pi Phi, in the communications business fraternity, surrounded by friends – side note, she introduced me to one of her friends as I dropped her off, what a great surprise for this Forever Flyer – Kara is already taking on the world and I have no doubt she will do so.

Here is my reflection, as this sounds an awful lot like a reference letter and not a reflection, Kara is what the Flyer Community is, and I am lucky to have the opportunity to continue to be a part of it.  She and I discussed that, more times than not, life is about who you know more than what you know; I am honored to know her.  I am honored to work with such an amazing volunteer community at UD from the administrators through the student undergrad volunteers.   This weekend was the end of a very long two weeks for me; I would not trade the experiences for anything, the time with work colleagues, family and friends all lead to the full life I lead.  Breakfast with Flyer friends, including my newest one, Kara, followed by a self-guided tour of the place I called home for so long, and still do, was the perfect way to tie a bow on the latest chapter of my adventure book.  

We are UD and together, we fly.

Find your throne

I listen to lyrics in songs, and right now I keep hearing a chorus in my head: 

If all of the kings had their queens on the throne
We would pop champagne and raise a toast
To all of the queens who are fighting alone
Baby, you're not dancin' on your own

Trying to lift all of us up - including myself as self appreciation is not easy for me - today’s throne was on Clayton’s fishing boat. No, I didn’t catch dinner but we had a lot of fun, He taught me how to cast to just that spot - I have an odd talent for that - and I did get to learn about bass on his catch so that counts (kind of, not really but go with it). Now if you want a pro instructor for catching lily pads, I am your girl! 

Go find your own throne today - we are all dancing with you!

 

Teamwork makes the dream work

I hate when the kiddo feeds me that line, such coach speak and yet, it is big stick week which always gets me thinking.  Teamwork makes the dream work.

Right now, I am in the middle of a very busy year.  This is a great year, and keeps getting better, but it is busy and it is easy to feel overwhelmed and then...teamwork makes the dream work.  If you have read this blog ever (okay, more than for just a post) you know that I like to workout.  That might be an overstatement, I workout because I can and I like the comradery.  During April, I was doing the OTF Marathon Month for ultra miles and, as is my custom, did too many inclines and hurt myself which meant biking.  Then, last week, I started my first Peloton PowerZone challenge which mean biking.  Catch a few themes there?

Yes, I am biking a lot (I have padded shorts, don't worry).  Yes, I am probably working out too much as I have had 4 days of 2 a day workouts over the past week.  Why you may ask?  Well, we have weekend plans and I will NOT let my teams down.  Sometimes, you have to dig deep and stand up for your teams.  

My OTF crew is bad ass.  We are running, walking, riding, whatever we can to get our miles in studio with guidance from true coaches; the competition is only against the person in the mirror but you never know who is being motivated by you.  I can promise you, people would be amazed to know they motivate me - although I tell them as soon as I remember to tell them.  Today was the last day to get our miles and we did it, I even got to run my last set which I hadn't done in 2 weeks (slow and steady but damn it felt good to run again).  We all cheered each other on when we hit goals, even if we hit them weeks ago - we made it through the month together and that was worth cheering.  Why did we do this?  A cool pair of orange socks. We did not let each other down.  We are a team, we made the dream work.

My Ride or Die Trying Peloton group is also badass.  We aren't in a studio, most of us haven't even met, yet we are doing our 3 + 1AR rides a week to get our team points.  As is the case with the OTF crew, we high five (virtually), we cheer each other on through messaging, we are there for each other.  Today ended week 2 for me, of 8 weeks - we have a long way to go but we will not let each other down.  Why are we doing this?  Satisfaction and bragging rights.  We are a team, we make the dream work.

What else has me going?  Event planning is one of my passions. I love hosting people, throwing big or small parties, big or small events that make people feel special.  Then I had to plan my own wedding.  I never thought a small beach wedding would stress me out but here we are.  Let's talk about the wedding crew.  Most people don't know they are in it.  We aren't having a wedding party other than our amazing boys yet I am getting more help and support from people than I ever knew I needed, and I need it.  Some of the support is hands on, some of the support is talking me down (this happens often), some of the support people don't even realize they are giving.  It is support via SoMe posts, jokes sent, texts, snapchats, phone calls (when I answer the phone) that have nothing to do with the big day (112 days to go).  To stay consistent I can ask why are we doing this?  True love and a lifetime together.  This teamwork that is happening?  Well, it is making our dream work - actually it is making my dream come true.

Are you still there?  Big stick week was all about coaches being there for the kid, his community being there for him, his crew being there for him.  Well guess what y'all, my coaches have been there for me without even knowing it, my community has been there for me, my crews are here for me.  They got me through every class, every ride, every oh what the hell moment of the week, every wedding planning moment.  Without even knowing it, my crews, my teams are my big stick - they are making my dreams work.  I only hope I am doing the same for them. 

Let is simmer - in a good way

Crafty people love finding old pieces of furniture, or junk, to recreate into something new.  Heck, American Pickers is on in my house often and it is amazing what those guys find and it is a treasure.  I have watched many a trash to treasure show and wished I had that kind of talent, alas, I have it in my head but not in practice.  However, let's move to my favorite room in the house - the kitchen.

I have this knack for making leftovers into something completely new and creative, in fact, some of my friends can attest to my reinvent left overs dinners I have hosted.  I don't even admit they are reinvented leftovers until after the meal is over of course, I have to have some secrets!  This isn't about those, if you want some ideas, you know how to find me; this is about reinventing something used into something new, specifically a chicken carcass.  Stay with me now - I promise I have a good point.

My mother recently taught me how to make chicken stock from scratch (yes, she held out on me for YEARS, what is that?!) - any stock actually.  You put the bones in a pot, cover it with water, add spices - I use mine on the stem from the garden - garlic, carrots, veggies that are ready to be used, whatever you want.  Simmer in your crockpot or on the stove overnight, strain, cool, scoop fat and freeze in 1 cup bags.  Who cares?  Why are you still reading?  Good questions, I don't know but here is what I think...

Today's world is in such a hurry to change, such a hurry to get things done quickly, such a hurry to buy convenience,  such a hurry to throw things away, such a hurry to be in a hurry...is it so wrong to slow down, throw things in a pot and let it simmer?  This doesn't just go for the broth (that is making my house smell amazing), this goes for life my friends.  Before you lash out from behind your keyboard, simmer your thoughts; before you react to a situation or an option, simmer the facts, your experiences and the facts and experiences from the other side; before you write something off as trash, simmer how you can turn it into something new that will open doors for life.

Take a minute to let things simmer and blend into something new, you might just be surprised at how amazing things actually are, or how amazing things can be.

Thanks Mom

5 months and 7 seconds - oddly like life

Full disclosure time, as per the usual, this morning, I was doubting all the things (code for myself) and almost canceled my OTF class this morning as it was the one mile benchmark. 5 months after the last blog entry, here I am writing about the mile benchmark again - wow. 

 But Erin, you like endurance runs. 

Yes, self, yes I do. But I am also a very competitive person and having taken the second month of quarantine pretty much off from working out other than a run from time to time, I am really only one month back into workouts and a mile benchmark (1 mile timed) 5 months to the day after the last one was daunting. 

See, 5 months to the day ago I was still working out at least 5 days a week consistently, traveling, working and functioning like a normal human - if there is such thing as a normal human. Today? Well, I am not sure what this has been but normal is not the word. Back to the fear and dread of the 1 mile. I am competitive with myself, and only myself as I think other people are amazing at what they can accomplish even if they don't believe it, and I knew that 5 months ago I rocked a benchmark at a studio in Oregon in no small part because of a letter that was waiting for me with altered song lyrics from Coach Stephanie and Teresa letting me know I wasn't running without my peeps. 

Back to today, I am intentionally trying not to push the speed to much in my tread blocks as not getting hurt is the goal which means I have to accept that, in order to stay healthy, I may sacrifice some speed and that is okay - it is GREAT. Today I was back with our OTF Murphy 6:30am crew, even showed up way early so Teresa and I could be next to each other on Tread 1 & 3 (socially distance tread spacing thank you very much), Khahn rocking tread 5 and Penny rowing us through it. Coach Hannah on the mic with her ornery demure, at .5 miles you are half way through you know you can probably add a little more if you feel like it smirk that makes us all smile and dig a little more. I was singing lyrics to no necessarily (not even close) the music that was playing in my head and had the mandatory in my life towel covering my total time. I stuck to my plan and increased at every hash mark on the 'track' (1/4 of the 1/4 mile) until I hit my stride then stuck it for .25 miles until an increase, then a .1 increase for each of the last hash marks. I did not die, I did not throw up (yes, the thought was there, it is a much mental as physical for me), I pushed my towel off at .2 to go and realized I wasn't going to hit my last time but at that point, there wasn't anything I could do about it and that had been my plan for myself. 

Self, you don't need to prove anything to anyone other than yourself and you rock today. You can push as hard as you know you can and no matter what the clock says, you are back in the swing of things and doing work. Well done self. 

That self talk was mixed with other salty language cussing myself out about getting it done and not quitting. Let's be honest, we all talk to ourselves and sometimes, it is not nice. In the end I added 7 seconds. Let me put that correctly, in the end, I only added 7 seconds to my mile benchmark after a very interesting 5 months and I am not in pain. You know what? I am pretty proud of myself at this moment. In fact, after the weight floor, I got back on the tread (we had to, this wasn't something I just did because I am crazy even though I am) and worked to get my 2+ miles today because I knew I could. 

This year has not been the worst year ever for me, while it has been hard and sometimes has beat me into submission (also known as me curled up in the fetal position rocking slowly), it has not been the worst. The boys both are college graduates and have jobs lined up in their fields, Bill and I have jobs and stability, my family and friends are healthy. For me, that is not to say this has been a great year, but it has been not been the worst year, let's say it is 7 seconds more than it was when it started in January, and 7 seconds? Well that is damned good considering the insanity the last 5 months.

Yesterday you just smiled at me

A big day - Alex turns 22, the Flyers play SLU, I am starting a fun week in Oregon (it is nice to be able to work from everywhere when you are morning person so time zones aren't scary), and it was 1 mile benchmark day. While not nearly as exciting as Alex turning 22 (did you see the baby pic? oh yes, I did post it on his wall so all his friends could enjoy it too - you should check it out), the thought of a mile benchmark got my heart racing and BP up - just like the thought of labor, all 2 days of it, did 22 year ago.

Let's add to the fun, like I do, and leave the state and comfort of my home OrangeTheory Murphy studio for the benchmark. After much convincing from the incredible Teresa & Stephanie, I swallowed (pushed down in places we push things down to) my fear and went to the studio this morning for my benchmark alone. But wait - what is this? A note waiting for me in West Linn OTF?

In a way only the Barenaked Ladies can, Teresa & Stephanie sent me a note to keep me motivated and on track (literally, let's remember I have fallen off a tread more than once) for my benchmark!!!

I did not cry, there is no evidence I even teared up, and knew I could do my mile. All I had to do was not fall off the tread and match my last time. Well, I did not fall off the tread since July 10th through 6 months of hip issues, 3 months of rehab therapy exercises, 3 weeks of 100% rest time on various beaches, and on 5 hours of sleep after a 4 hour flight, I cut 18 seconds off my mile time. 8:23 is now mine.

I have to tell you, yesterday I posted about how amazing people are, today was further proof. Andrea cheered on our crew at home while not being able to workout herself; Teresa & Stephanie cheered me on from afar; the front desk crew at the West Linn location cheered me on & said to pass the cheers along to our Murphy studio for being so awesome; sometimes people make life hard but really? People ROCK. Thank you to all in my life who make this journey fun. And thank you for reading all of this - now Harrison Ford is getting Frantic, I look like Hot Wasabi when I bust a rhyme, and, let's go folks, Get it together and come back and see me! 💪🤜🤛🧡

Sometimes it is just a little thing...

Life is sometimes about fixing little things that make the other things just feel a little less insane. Work right now it the most insane - let's just leave it at that - and while I know I head to sun and sand tomorrow, that does not negate the insanity I feel.

Today, three little things happened and I found a little center, a little peace in the chaos.

A dear friend sent a recording of her playing a Christmas song on the piano - this leveled my soul as if it was written and played just for me.

I dropped Maggie Princess off at Granny's for her vacation and to pick up turkeys (Granny's Thanksgiving is an event not to miss!) and Granny gave me animal crackers - I felt loved and important because they were for me.

I went and quite literally got adjusted at the chiro (that I avoided seeing for 3 months, I am stubborn and fine) - it leveled my body and brought a center in it's own right.

These three, what seem to be minor things brought me center, brought me peace. What little things have you done that for yourself that center you?

Food, wine, and an old friend...always worth the call

I moved most of my childhood life - suitcases open doors is not just a title, it was the way I lived - and because of that I believe that I learned some amazing life skills.  Let me be clear, growing up I am sure I did not realize the skills I was learning and am equally sure that I did not make it easier on my parents every time we moved.  Anyway, tonight I met up with a friend that is one of those pick up where you left off kind of friends - a skill I learned moving.  She and I may have grew up in different countries at different times yet we seem to have experienced similar life paths as far as tolerance, growth experiences and, well, life. 

Tonight, two of us sat for hours (many hours actually, ask Ben our waiter/bar tender) catching up on our families, our friends, our lives and eating all of things from the left side of the menu.  There is nothing like baba ganoush and hummus, haloumi, kibbie and lamb with a bottle of Ksara to make time pass; well, there is nothing like our stories and laughter to make the food and wine taste like a Croatian baby's breath garden on a way to an old chapel. 

In today's social media world it is sometimes hard to remember that life is what you make of it - it is not only the life you live online, it is also the times you live sitting across from a friend (I would never call her old, ever, she is a bad ass and I can't run that fast) catching up on the past few months.  I get the irony that I am saying this in an online blog posted on FB and IG but remember, I am not saying the online life is not something to share, I am just saying life is not only those experiences.  I have posted before about taking the time to say yes, taking your rest day; this week has been all about those rest days from life, even for a few hours, and embracing the catching up.  Go catch up with others my friends, I know I have a lot of catching up to do and that is exactly what I plan to do.  Don't be afraid about the time that has passed, true friends pick up right where you left off days, weeks, months, years ago.  Goodness knows, I have a lot more catching up to do and plan to do just that!

Wine and writing - it is how I celebrate life...
now I just need to remember to do it more often!

Water is relaxation - Wednesday is a day of rest

Wednesday is my day of rest.  For those of you that know me or follow my social media threads, it may look like I have a lot of days of rest, and I do take advantage of everyday and adventure that comes my way, but when I am home, I rest Wednesdays and Saturdays from working out.  A few weeks ago, my Mom asked if I would like to start swimming with her in the morning and I thought - Self, this is a perfect thing to do on Wednesday - a day of rest! - so this morning we got into the pool.

We didn't do laps with traditional strokes, we didn't run, no, we stretched, we meandered, we talked to birds and IT WAS PERFECT.  Last Wednesday, I shifted my day of rest to be Tuesday as there was a fear of missing out on a benchmark I had been working so hard to hit.  This Wednesday, I did no such thing.  This Wednesday I embraced the chance to spend an hour with my Mom in a pool, not sunning ourselves, not worrying about anything other than giving our muscles the stretching they needed and our souls the mother daughter cleanse they needed (as Mom and I really can only do in or near water as she is also a mermaid).   I could have done laps, she could have ran circles and laps around me as I stumbled to catch my breath but no, we just enjoyed the water, enjoyed the quiet, forgot that we were in the middle of our little town with responsibilities waiting for us.  Just the perfect way to start the day, and of course, as soon as I sat down, it got me thinking...while rest days are important, do they mean you have to sit on your butt and do nothing alone or is it more effective to rest and stretch your body and soul with someone else?  There is no wrong answer here.

For me, the answer is easy - I love people, even when I don't like people I love people - and I love my family.  Spending that hour in the pool with my Mom was exactly what this rest day needed.  It quite literally rested me, (maybe not my muscles at I did get a little over excited about the stretching in water so I am a little sore, moving on).  My challenge for you is to find what you need to rest on your day of rest - and figure out if you want to do it alone or with someone(s) else.  Is it sitting  with a book or watching TV?  Is it cooking or baking?  Is it going for a walk?  Is it swimming?  Is it yoga?  What is it?  As is the case in all things in life, what is right for one person may not be right for you, and - this is the important part - that is okay!  Don't forget that while you see all the crazy, all the movement in the world, days of rest are just as important and only you can determine what that means for you.

Enjoy your next day of rest my friends, I certainly will after starting it in water with my Mom.

Internal Courage - It's Not Always Easy and That's Okay Too

Facebook memories are meant to bring back experiences you had in life that you may have forgotten about over time.  Today, I got a reminder about a post I wrote in July of 2014 about rain making the flowers go.  It seems we had a lot of literal rain that year, and, I suppose I was having rain in my life as well - or my friends and family were - as I wrote how rain can make the flowers grow which echos a song from one of my all time favorite shows.  What is ironic, is yesterday I shared a post from Busted Halo Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes, courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.' just in case anyone needed to hear it and a number of friends reached out saying thank you, privately and on FB. 

Often times, while running, I get outside of the pain in my legs or breathing and work through things in my head.  If my brain is focused on other things it will forget that it wants me to believe that I cannot do whatever pace/distance I am being told to do.  I digress, today, before I worked out, I reread my post from July of 2014 and that was the premise of my thoughts during the 23 minute run today.  I don't have rain right now, although the skies do look like they are about to open at any minute (and they will because my sprinklers ran this morning), but my head was full of all the thoughts of what is going on in life and sometimes that is overwhelming.  The Tall One is kicking ass and taking names at his internship as he heads into his last semester at A&M.  The Kiddo is kicking ass and taking names at his internship as he heads into his year at UD.  The Big Guy is doing what he does while we both gear up for a few days at the lake with family and fishes. Yet my head was full with all the things that it takes to gear up for a few days at the lake, and work, and the house and and and.  Roughly 20 minutes in, yes it takes me that long to get out of my head, it occurred to me that it is all going to be good.  The boys are continually reaching their next stars despite rough times (life isn't always great y'all - it rains), the Big Guy and I are planning out the rest of our trips for the summer - some with the kids and some without - that are the fruits of the hard work we put in everyday.  Rain will make the flowers grow, and sweat will hide any scared or overwhelmed tears.  And once you let go of those things you can't change, once you accept the rain or the internal courage, well then it is just you and your spirit, and in my case, a sprint to the finish. 

Off to pack - I have a great few days of family and fishes ahead! 

Row Machines, Tomatoes, Silver Linings and Pride

So I posted a shorter version of this on Facebook and Mom (love you) called me out for not blogging so to the blog I go.  It doesn't matter how old you are, when Mom calls you out, you respond and respect.  

Yes, it started as a workout I didn't let myself down (okay, I did but then I grew up and realized no I didn't, I damn well rocked it) and, as I read it again, I realized, it applies to so much more in my life right now.  Sorry, if you saw the short version on FB, you are about to read it again and oh so much more (dah-ling).

Going into the studio this morning I knew that it was a 2000 meter row benchmark and I set a goal - under 12 minutes. As I warmed up, I decided under 10 minutes would be awesome. After I was done, I was not only under 10 minutes, I was under 8:30 and found myself saying 'Oh self, if you hadn't gone out so hard at the start, you could have done under 8 minutes. What is wrong with you?' Let me answer myself: me, that is what is wrong - me, myself and I. If my kids had said, 'I had this goal and I beat it yet I should have done better' I would have told them to shut up and be proud of beating their goal! Life is about putting one foot in front of the other and you aren't truly succeeding unless you set realistic goals and beat them along the way. Now, you might not beat them the first, second or even third time you try, but celebrate them when you do! So, instead of thinking 'I should have beat 8 minutes' I am going to say I rowed 8:24:2 for a 2000m row this morning! YEAH!

Maggie assured me this one delicious

I have had a similar, yet different, experience with my garden.  Those of you who really know me know that I love fresh cut flowers. I think they can brighten a room, change a mood, and they are already dead so I am not in danger of killing them.  Well, this year I started a garden in raised beds.  It started with two raised beds and has now grown to two raised beds, three pots of veggies, 3 hanging pots and 2 planters including 1 of poinsettias that I have kept growing since Christmas.  These are things I kill any time I try yet they are all thriving.  We have enjoyed the spices, I am getting more and more creative with ways to use them, but the veggies have been a challenge.  My first tomato finally turned red and my first thought was 'My beefsteak tomato is the size of a crab apple'.  Honest to goodness small but red tomato that can be eaten before the squirrels or my dogs.  Speaking of dogs, I did not get to enjoy my first red tomato as Maggie - yellow lab - decided it was for her and by the time I saw it, the small piece I was able to wash and try was not taste-able (it is a word as I hyphened it an all words are good with a hyphen).  However, after my workout this morning, I had 2 more red tomatoes and instead of being sad about the size, I danced around with my little tomatoes and promised to eat them today.  I am very easily excited by little things - not one person is surprised.  YEAH!

I danced over these two beauties

I am often accused of always finding the silver lining even when not one person wants to see it, and it is annoying at times to always see an upside.  I am also accused of being harder on myself than I am on others.  Neither one of these things can be denied so I won't try.

Believe me, there are days I break completely down and can't see the good side of a situation even if it is sitting in my lap.  I am working on it and being honest about the fact that it isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but that goals don't have to be big, life isn't perfect, accepting that is as important as embracing it.  Let's remember to be proud of ourselves and each other too, let's remember to accept some days there might not seem to be anything to be proud about.  YEAH for everyone who got out of bed today, who set a realistic goal, whether you beat it or not!  I am proud of you! YEAH for everyone who beat your goals and set know ones!  YEAH for everyone accepting that some days we don't want to get out of bed and celebrate a reached goal! Moral of all of this?  I am proud of you!

Yes, I have the time.

Tonight I got to hang out with a friend I met in another country. Okay, we met in the Portland airport but we don't remember that so move on.

Despite the crazy convention week she had, and the crazy of my normal life, we made time to see each other and it was awesome. We had convention drinks, Texas steak and hotel conversation. If we had planned this it wouldn't have been so perfect.

This is why life is worth living. I have been lucky to meet her in Costa Rica, travel and see her twice in Oregon, and she came here once - we made time.

Yesterday I wrote about not being too busy and today, we made time. Always make time, life is about being there for each other. Even a 30 second hello makes life worth living, the 5 hour drinks that turn into dinners are icing on the cake.

Take the picture from up high...

So I need to do my roots. 

Totally worth it to see Jenny again.

Listen and remember- we aren't always busy (it just feels that way)

As I sit in my backyard listening to the birds, frogs (maybe) and various sounds of dusk I had a thought: life moves fast but am I really that busy? The answer is no.

I know this isn't a new thought, we all have the 'life moves to fast' thought, and it does,  but even in the busiest of times, there is always a moment to just listen if you take it.  I am not saying that it is easy, I remember non-stop days of kids and the partner all going in different directions and me rushing to keep up (and failing) but looking back, I also remember those 5 minute conversations walking around the kitchen island with Billy, or the quick day recap given by Alex as I brush my teeth (I go to bed earlier than anyone in this house).  I remember the fleeting moments Bill and I had while drying dishes.  Sure, I remember the stress of rushing around too but not nearly as easily.

See, now I sit listening to my music and the sounds of dusk, watching my dogs and drinking my wine knowing that all the rushing of today - a different kind of stress from rushing as an empty nester - is done, I have found my time to just not be busy.  I found my time to sit and I am cherishing it nearly as much as I did those conversations and stolen moments because this time? This quiet is just as valuable as the crazy and reminds me of all those amazing times.

Rebuilding - not always easy but not always hard either! Give yourself a chance!

I have been writing mini-entries on FB about my OTF journey, but not on this blog even though I said I was going to write.  It isn't that I don't have entries in my head, I am constantly writing in my head, it is that they occur when I am in the car, at the grocery store, in the studio, or anywhere that I don't have a computer or even the ability to jot things down in one of my many journals.  The last entry was February and now it is the end of April.  In traditional fashion, I mean to write and then I let life take over and I just don't.  Well, today that ends (again) and it comes with a new promise to myself, I will NOT judge me if (and when) the stall in my writing happens again.

Life is full of ups and downs, everyone knows this.  April has been a month of rebuilding for our family since April 20th four years ago.  Rebuilding can be as small in scope as organizing a closet, preparing flower pots for spring, or changing your hair color.  Rebuilding can also be as large in scope as rebuilding a belief, starting a brand new workout, or learning to walk.  Here is the important thing to remember, rebuilding is daunting, it is your journey and you are allowed to be happy or sad, exhausted or ready to take on the world, feel any way you want.  Oh, and the kicker?  No one can make you feel any one way or another - only you can - but they can help make it all a little easier and worth it if you let them.  Sounds smart right?  Yeah, well, I don't live by it all the time, but I try!

This April was a rebuilding month (after a March with the flu and all the fun that comes with that recovery) - it was not always easy, and not always hard.  I have a new garden, cleaner kitchen cabinets, and thanks to a lot of work this weekend - clean carpets again.  I have lost the fear of going and working out with a new routine and new people and reminded myself that I am worth it, and there is nothing I can't do if I set wise and realistic goals.  In short, I have made small changes and am ready to end rebuilding April with a bang and finding those May flowers!

Oh, and to starting to write down all my crazy thoughts again, whether they are read or not!

March started with the attitude of Priscilla (and a little sass),
April ends with an attitude of I can do it (and a little sass)

Heading into crazy time - celebrating the little things

Fat Tuesday is almost upon us, in fact, in 1 more Friday I will be touching down in New Orleans where my many beads, tutus and MG family await so that we can ride in our Krewes, dance in the Garden District and pay the proper respect to both Pat O's and Marie Laveau.  Rest assured that I do not forget tiaras, they simply travel with me on the plane so they are not already in the Crescent City (unless I buy a new one again this year, then that one is still waiting for me in the store but I digress).

While Mardi Gras in itself may seem crazy to most, for me it is the time leading up to it and following it that is even more insane.  Between now and then I will be traveling to see family and friends - UD will beat SLU while I am cheering in red at the Arena, I have no doubt AND I get to see the Kiddo doing his thing, always awesome - working and doing other adult things.  Immediately following MG, we have a busy month of out of state weddings, games and a jaunt to CA for a race and some baseball.  Now you see my crazy, however, I don't mind it.  What I hold on to is the calm  - the routine of getting up and working out, feeding the dogs, hanging out with friends, working during the day and spending time with the Big Guy at night.  I find time to celebrate the little things like the fact that the dog didn't catch the rabbit, drinking wine on the porch with my neighbor in rocking chairs, the bed being made when I get home in the morning (and not just because I make it wrong, but because Bill rocks), What's App and SnapChat messages from the kids.  Sometimes it is hard to find the little things because life is overwhelming, I have A LOT to get done before the travel starts next week but sitting here, sipping coffee, looking over work email and writing this blog reminds me that the little things make the big things worth it.

Keeping in the theme of my last blog and my journey - I have a new little thing to celebrate today.  Green.  No, not money, while important, it is not the green I am talking about.  It is the colors of me in the green, and orange while still in my red.  Yes, check-ins at OTF help different charities (while giving them free marketing, something I also support), it also helps me and reminds me that I am not alone in my journey.  I have friends across the US in OTF and when I see them check-in, I feel like, even with the distance, we worked out together (yes Mel & Kim, I am talking to you!).  For someone who traveled and moved most of her life growing up, holding onto the fact that no one is more than a plane ride away and that we are still living life together is important, this has not changed as I have gotten older. Anyway, back to the celebrating my little thing - GREEN AND ORANGE!!!  Yes, I run red on the tread (I see what I did there 😂😂) but I am celebrating the green and the orange! What are you celebrating today?

Pretty Greens and Orange!!!!! 

A journey without a suitcase - but it has lots of color so why not?

I started a new journey last month, one that is personal in it's own way.  At 35, I started working out hard core and ran the first of many races.  Since then, I have completed numerous halves, a marathon and enough mud runs with obstacles to be considered a mud loving pig.  I really do miss a good mud run.  I have also gone up in down in fitness and weight, and when the weight goes up, let's be honest - it is harder to get the fitness back.  The word embarrassment comes to mind, but why be embarrassed about who you are?  Well, that is an age old question and I am NOT tackling the world here, only my world.

My new journey includes some pretty hard core fitness at OrangeTheory.  Today was distance day, and while I am a distance girl, even at a much slower pace than I ever was before, distance on a treadmill is a whole different story.  And then we need to add in the very daunting heart rate monitor that posts your effort range on very large TVs in the room.  The intent is to get green, orange and some red.  Now, I run red - shocking I know, drama everywhere - my heart rate runs very fast and it seems that I am dying if you look at the screen and yet, if you look at me on whatever device I am currently using, I could be singing or smiling (unless during all out - then I am full on game face, RBF has NOTHING on my all out face thank you very much).  My amazing coaches have assured me that I am good - and they are trained to know - at my 50 splat points while others work to get to 30.  Today, I still had my 48 splat points yet I somehow also managed 21 minutes in orange and 14 in green.  How?  No idea other than the distance run felt good - like, really good.  What is the point to all this build-up?  It is not an OTF commercial I assure you.

The point is I was scared to get back into working out with others, and I need others to be successful in my workouts just like my life.  Yes, the competition is against yourself - be better than the you of yesterday is not just a cheesy saying - but my old self was kind of badass and the new self?  Well, she is getting there again. This is all in my eyes, and how you see yourself is very important to your personal success. 

We are past the first month of dying new year's resolutions so now is the time - challenge yourself, not to be who you may have been in the past - stop comparing yourself to that person, rather challenge yourself to take on your fears (mine was humiliating myself in front of others while trying to better myself, I know, ridiculous) and get through them.  You might be in the best shape of your life right now, you might be exactly where you want to be, but as a human, there is something you are afraid to take a chance and do, DO IT!  Don't do it for me, or your kids, your loved ones, do it for YOU.  Find your green / orange, don't fear the red - and no, this does not only apply to fitness.  I hadn't written since October of last year...another fear overcome.  If I can do it, I know you can.

Reality - you are not alone

My public life (the SoMe one) is all travel, good times and fun but let's be honest, no one has a life that is perfect like that - okay, maybe someone does, but not me. My life is amazing, and I try to live every moment of it, good and bad.

This weekend was a weekend home after a week of reality - a welcome weekend home that was just as amazing as the weekends away.    The weekend was  mixed of mourning and celebration of life, comforting a dear friends and family, dancing and dining with friends.  Now, I am back sitting in front of my computer, where you will find me Monday-Friday, working on a job I really do enjoy, and that affords me the flexibility to work wherever I am.

Right now, as I sit in front of my computer, I am praying for friends, for family, for all of us as we all have things going on in reality that others may or may not (more times than not, it is the latter) be aware of or that is to be shared.  So here is what I say today - I am praying for all of you, whether you think you need the prayers or not, whether you believe in prayer or not, I believe in the power of prayer on my end. 

I am not praying for your happiness as I don't presume to know what you happiness is to you.  I am praying that you are at peace with where life is today because we cannot always change what is happening, we usually don't have control on that, but we can find peace going through good and bad times.  Peace might mean laughter and joy, peace might mean sorry and tears - peace can only be defined by you, you are the only one living your life.  Live in the moment, know there is someone thinking of you, and embrace the peace and know, you are not alone.

Me and my Llama

So I work with an amazing company as a part of my new role and I kid you not, they have a llama mascot. This Llama emails us new ideas, course, features, you know, helpful work stuff.  Why does this matter?  Well, because I used to sing 'Me and my llama, going to the dentist today' from Sesame Street (oh yes, I included it for your viewing enjoyment) and I like llamas. 

Enjoy adult types - and don't forget to take your llamas to the dentist, they have teeth too.

It just occurred to me, this company I work with is a learning platform (a very general description) and I learned a lot from Sesame Street - coincidence?  I am sure not!  Oh, and here's to Big Bird & Oscar the Grouch...live on fun friends!

I did it my way...and ran for the roses as fast as I could

Today marks another end in my amazing journey because today is the last day of my employment with HPE.  Some records say I started in 1997, some 1999, others 2005 (not 2015 which I mistakenly typed in my email), and others 2013.  Regardless of what the dates say, I have been an EDS/HP/HPE for most of my professional career.

It's a happy day for me as I go out on my own terms, holding my head high.  It's also a sad day for me as I have been through a lot with this company and have a brief moment pause when quitting.  Either way - it is a day I celebrate as this career brought me knowledge, fun times, growth opportunities and friends.

My soundtrack today has ranged from It's All for the Best (Godspell) to I Did It My Way (Frank).  As with everything else in my life, I will always Run for the Roses (Dan F).

24 hours to remember, celebrate and maybe cry a little, then back on that horse and onto the next!

:)

_________

From: Reilly, Erin
Sent: Friday, July 06, 2018 1:10 PM
To: erindreilly@gmail.com
Subject: Until we meet again - may the road rise to meet you!

It is hard to believe that today is my last day with HPE! 

As a co-op with EDS, then a full time employee (a couple times as was the trend back then) with EDS, HP and HPE, I never imagined the ups and downs this career would bring.  From events at Disney with executives dressed as pirates recognizing our best and brightest Fellows and DSEs to 20 hour days of little sleep loading content, and everything in between, it has been a journey I will remember fondly.  I got the chance to help build amazing communities of some of the smartest and most innovative people the industry will ever see.  I authored speeches, blogs, and book segments used on a global stage.  I had the chance to work on megadeals behind the scenes creating microsites and learning more about our company than I thought was possible.  Of course, years later, when I got the chance to create a content management system for our sales teams, I realized once again how there is always more to learn and our business – like everything else in life – is always changing.  More importantly than all the wonderful things I have learned, I have met co-workers that are now life long friends.

Cleaning out my drawer, I found my badge from my second first day with EDS dated June 1, 2005.  This paper badge reads ‘Escort Required’, on Monday, my journey starts all over again.

In short, thank you for sharing in this journey with me, it has been a privilege and an honor.

Erin

Erin D. Reilly

www.linkedin.com/in/erin-denise-reilly

erindreilly@gmail.com

Friday, July 6, 2018 is my last day with HPE. 

Please contact Chris Duggan or Riley To with all Seismic related questions.