5 months and 7 seconds - oddly like life

Full disclosure time, as per the usual, this morning, I was doubting all the things (code for myself) and almost canceled my OTF class this morning as it was the one mile benchmark. 5 months after the last blog entry, here I am writing about the mile benchmark again - wow. 

 But Erin, you like endurance runs. 

Yes, self, yes I do. But I am also a very competitive person and having taken the second month of quarantine pretty much off from working out other than a run from time to time, I am really only one month back into workouts and a mile benchmark (1 mile timed) 5 months to the day after the last one was daunting. 

See, 5 months to the day ago I was still working out at least 5 days a week consistently, traveling, working and functioning like a normal human - if there is such thing as a normal human. Today? Well, I am not sure what this has been but normal is not the word. Back to the fear and dread of the 1 mile. I am competitive with myself, and only myself as I think other people are amazing at what they can accomplish even if they don't believe it, and I knew that 5 months ago I rocked a benchmark at a studio in Oregon in no small part because of a letter that was waiting for me with altered song lyrics from Coach Stephanie and Teresa letting me know I wasn't running without my peeps. 

Back to today, I am intentionally trying not to push the speed to much in my tread blocks as not getting hurt is the goal which means I have to accept that, in order to stay healthy, I may sacrifice some speed and that is okay - it is GREAT. Today I was back with our OTF Murphy 6:30am crew, even showed up way early so Teresa and I could be next to each other on Tread 1 & 3 (socially distance tread spacing thank you very much), Khahn rocking tread 5 and Penny rowing us through it. Coach Hannah on the mic with her ornery demure, at .5 miles you are half way through you know you can probably add a little more if you feel like it smirk that makes us all smile and dig a little more. I was singing lyrics to no necessarily (not even close) the music that was playing in my head and had the mandatory in my life towel covering my total time. I stuck to my plan and increased at every hash mark on the 'track' (1/4 of the 1/4 mile) until I hit my stride then stuck it for .25 miles until an increase, then a .1 increase for each of the last hash marks. I did not die, I did not throw up (yes, the thought was there, it is a much mental as physical for me), I pushed my towel off at .2 to go and realized I wasn't going to hit my last time but at that point, there wasn't anything I could do about it and that had been my plan for myself. 

Self, you don't need to prove anything to anyone other than yourself and you rock today. You can push as hard as you know you can and no matter what the clock says, you are back in the swing of things and doing work. Well done self. 

That self talk was mixed with other salty language cussing myself out about getting it done and not quitting. Let's be honest, we all talk to ourselves and sometimes, it is not nice. In the end I added 7 seconds. Let me put that correctly, in the end, I only added 7 seconds to my mile benchmark after a very interesting 5 months and I am not in pain. You know what? I am pretty proud of myself at this moment. In fact, after the weight floor, I got back on the tread (we had to, this wasn't something I just did because I am crazy even though I am) and worked to get my 2+ miles today because I knew I could. 

This year has not been the worst year ever for me, while it has been hard and sometimes has beat me into submission (also known as me curled up in the fetal position rocking slowly), it has not been the worst. The boys both are college graduates and have jobs lined up in their fields, Bill and I have jobs and stability, my family and friends are healthy. For me, that is not to say this has been a great year, but it has been not been the worst year, let's say it is 7 seconds more than it was when it started in January, and 7 seconds? Well that is damned good considering the insanity the last 5 months.

Yesterday you just smiled at me

A big day - Alex turns 22, the Flyers play SLU, I am starting a fun week in Oregon (it is nice to be able to work from everywhere when you are morning person so time zones aren't scary), and it was 1 mile benchmark day. While not nearly as exciting as Alex turning 22 (did you see the baby pic? oh yes, I did post it on his wall so all his friends could enjoy it too - you should check it out), the thought of a mile benchmark got my heart racing and BP up - just like the thought of labor, all 2 days of it, did 22 year ago.

Let's add to the fun, like I do, and leave the state and comfort of my home OrangeTheory Murphy studio for the benchmark. After much convincing from the incredible Teresa & Stephanie, I swallowed (pushed down in places we push things down to) my fear and went to the studio this morning for my benchmark alone. But wait - what is this? A note waiting for me in West Linn OTF?

In a way only the Barenaked Ladies can, Teresa & Stephanie sent me a note to keep me motivated and on track (literally, let's remember I have fallen off a tread more than once) for my benchmark!!!

I did not cry, there is no evidence I even teared up, and knew I could do my mile. All I had to do was not fall off the tread and match my last time. Well, I did not fall off the tread since July 10th through 6 months of hip issues, 3 months of rehab therapy exercises, 3 weeks of 100% rest time on various beaches, and on 5 hours of sleep after a 4 hour flight, I cut 18 seconds off my mile time. 8:23 is now mine.

I have to tell you, yesterday I posted about how amazing people are, today was further proof. Andrea cheered on our crew at home while not being able to workout herself; Teresa & Stephanie cheered me on from afar; the front desk crew at the West Linn location cheered me on & said to pass the cheers along to our Murphy studio for being so awesome; sometimes people make life hard but really? People ROCK. Thank you to all in my life who make this journey fun. And thank you for reading all of this - now Harrison Ford is getting Frantic, I look like Hot Wasabi when I bust a rhyme, and, let's go folks, Get it together and come back and see me! 💪🤜🤛🧡

Sometimes it is just a little thing...

Life is sometimes about fixing little things that make the other things just feel a little less insane. Work right now it the most insane - let's just leave it at that - and while I know I head to sun and sand tomorrow, that does not negate the insanity I feel.

Today, three little things happened and I found a little center, a little peace in the chaos.

A dear friend sent a recording of her playing a Christmas song on the piano - this leveled my soul as if it was written and played just for me.

I dropped Maggie Princess off at Granny's for her vacation and to pick up turkeys (Granny's Thanksgiving is an event not to miss!) and Granny gave me animal crackers - I felt loved and important because they were for me.

I went and quite literally got adjusted at the chiro (that I avoided seeing for 3 months, I am stubborn and fine) - it leveled my body and brought a center in it's own right.

These three, what seem to be minor things brought me center, brought me peace. What little things have you done that for yourself that center you?

Food, wine, and an old friend...always worth the call

I moved most of my childhood life - suitcases open doors is not just a title, it was the way I lived - and because of that I believe that I learned some amazing life skills.  Let me be clear, growing up I am sure I did not realize the skills I was learning and am equally sure that I did not make it easier on my parents every time we moved.  Anyway, tonight I met up with a friend that is one of those pick up where you left off kind of friends - a skill I learned moving.  She and I may have grew up in different countries at different times yet we seem to have experienced similar life paths as far as tolerance, growth experiences and, well, life. 

Tonight, two of us sat for hours (many hours actually, ask Ben our waiter/bar tender) catching up on our families, our friends, our lives and eating all of things from the left side of the menu.  There is nothing like baba ganoush and hummus, haloumi, kibbie and lamb with a bottle of Ksara to make time pass; well, there is nothing like our stories and laughter to make the food and wine taste like a Croatian baby's breath garden on a way to an old chapel. 

In today's social media world it is sometimes hard to remember that life is what you make of it - it is not only the life you live online, it is also the times you live sitting across from a friend (I would never call her old, ever, she is a bad ass and I can't run that fast) catching up on the past few months.  I get the irony that I am saying this in an online blog posted on FB and IG but remember, I am not saying the online life is not something to share, I am just saying life is not only those experiences.  I have posted before about taking the time to say yes, taking your rest day; this week has been all about those rest days from life, even for a few hours, and embracing the catching up.  Go catch up with others my friends, I know I have a lot of catching up to do and that is exactly what I plan to do.  Don't be afraid about the time that has passed, true friends pick up right where you left off days, weeks, months, years ago.  Goodness knows, I have a lot more catching up to do and plan to do just that!

Wine and writing - it is how I celebrate life...
now I just need to remember to do it more often!

Water is relaxation - Wednesday is a day of rest

Wednesday is my day of rest.  For those of you that know me or follow my social media threads, it may look like I have a lot of days of rest, and I do take advantage of everyday and adventure that comes my way, but when I am home, I rest Wednesdays and Saturdays from working out.  A few weeks ago, my Mom asked if I would like to start swimming with her in the morning and I thought - Self, this is a perfect thing to do on Wednesday - a day of rest! - so this morning we got into the pool.

We didn't do laps with traditional strokes, we didn't run, no, we stretched, we meandered, we talked to birds and IT WAS PERFECT.  Last Wednesday, I shifted my day of rest to be Tuesday as there was a fear of missing out on a benchmark I had been working so hard to hit.  This Wednesday, I did no such thing.  This Wednesday I embraced the chance to spend an hour with my Mom in a pool, not sunning ourselves, not worrying about anything other than giving our muscles the stretching they needed and our souls the mother daughter cleanse they needed (as Mom and I really can only do in or near water as she is also a mermaid).   I could have done laps, she could have ran circles and laps around me as I stumbled to catch my breath but no, we just enjoyed the water, enjoyed the quiet, forgot that we were in the middle of our little town with responsibilities waiting for us.  Just the perfect way to start the day, and of course, as soon as I sat down, it got me thinking...while rest days are important, do they mean you have to sit on your butt and do nothing alone or is it more effective to rest and stretch your body and soul with someone else?  There is no wrong answer here.

For me, the answer is easy - I love people, even when I don't like people I love people - and I love my family.  Spending that hour in the pool with my Mom was exactly what this rest day needed.  It quite literally rested me, (maybe not my muscles at I did get a little over excited about the stretching in water so I am a little sore, moving on).  My challenge for you is to find what you need to rest on your day of rest - and figure out if you want to do it alone or with someone(s) else.  Is it sitting  with a book or watching TV?  Is it cooking or baking?  Is it going for a walk?  Is it swimming?  Is it yoga?  What is it?  As is the case in all things in life, what is right for one person may not be right for you, and - this is the important part - that is okay!  Don't forget that while you see all the crazy, all the movement in the world, days of rest are just as important and only you can determine what that means for you.

Enjoy your next day of rest my friends, I certainly will after starting it in water with my Mom.

Internal Courage - It's Not Always Easy and That's Okay Too

Facebook memories are meant to bring back experiences you had in life that you may have forgotten about over time.  Today, I got a reminder about a post I wrote in July of 2014 about rain making the flowers go.  It seems we had a lot of literal rain that year, and, I suppose I was having rain in my life as well - or my friends and family were - as I wrote how rain can make the flowers grow which echos a song from one of my all time favorite shows.  What is ironic, is yesterday I shared a post from Busted Halo Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes, courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.' just in case anyone needed to hear it and a number of friends reached out saying thank you, privately and on FB. 

Often times, while running, I get outside of the pain in my legs or breathing and work through things in my head.  If my brain is focused on other things it will forget that it wants me to believe that I cannot do whatever pace/distance I am being told to do.  I digress, today, before I worked out, I reread my post from July of 2014 and that was the premise of my thoughts during the 23 minute run today.  I don't have rain right now, although the skies do look like they are about to open at any minute (and they will because my sprinklers ran this morning), but my head was full of all the thoughts of what is going on in life and sometimes that is overwhelming.  The Tall One is kicking ass and taking names at his internship as he heads into his last semester at A&M.  The Kiddo is kicking ass and taking names at his internship as he heads into his year at UD.  The Big Guy is doing what he does while we both gear up for a few days at the lake with family and fishes. Yet my head was full with all the things that it takes to gear up for a few days at the lake, and work, and the house and and and.  Roughly 20 minutes in, yes it takes me that long to get out of my head, it occurred to me that it is all going to be good.  The boys are continually reaching their next stars despite rough times (life isn't always great y'all - it rains), the Big Guy and I are planning out the rest of our trips for the summer - some with the kids and some without - that are the fruits of the hard work we put in everyday.  Rain will make the flowers grow, and sweat will hide any scared or overwhelmed tears.  And once you let go of those things you can't change, once you accept the rain or the internal courage, well then it is just you and your spirit, and in my case, a sprint to the finish. 

Off to pack - I have a great few days of family and fishes ahead! 

Row Machines, Tomatoes, Silver Linings and Pride

So I posted a shorter version of this on Facebook and Mom (love you) called me out for not blogging so to the blog I go.  It doesn't matter how old you are, when Mom calls you out, you respond and respect.  

Yes, it started as a workout I didn't let myself down (okay, I did but then I grew up and realized no I didn't, I damn well rocked it) and, as I read it again, I realized, it applies to so much more in my life right now.  Sorry, if you saw the short version on FB, you are about to read it again and oh so much more (dah-ling).

Going into the studio this morning I knew that it was a 2000 meter row benchmark and I set a goal - under 12 minutes. As I warmed up, I decided under 10 minutes would be awesome. After I was done, I was not only under 10 minutes, I was under 8:30 and found myself saying 'Oh self, if you hadn't gone out so hard at the start, you could have done under 8 minutes. What is wrong with you?' Let me answer myself: me, that is what is wrong - me, myself and I. If my kids had said, 'I had this goal and I beat it yet I should have done better' I would have told them to shut up and be proud of beating their goal! Life is about putting one foot in front of the other and you aren't truly succeeding unless you set realistic goals and beat them along the way. Now, you might not beat them the first, second or even third time you try, but celebrate them when you do! So, instead of thinking 'I should have beat 8 minutes' I am going to say I rowed 8:24:2 for a 2000m row this morning! YEAH!

Maggie assured me this one delicious

I have had a similar, yet different, experience with my garden.  Those of you who really know me know that I love fresh cut flowers. I think they can brighten a room, change a mood, and they are already dead so I am not in danger of killing them.  Well, this year I started a garden in raised beds.  It started with two raised beds and has now grown to two raised beds, three pots of veggies, 3 hanging pots and 2 planters including 1 of poinsettias that I have kept growing since Christmas.  These are things I kill any time I try yet they are all thriving.  We have enjoyed the spices, I am getting more and more creative with ways to use them, but the veggies have been a challenge.  My first tomato finally turned red and my first thought was 'My beefsteak tomato is the size of a crab apple'.  Honest to goodness small but red tomato that can be eaten before the squirrels or my dogs.  Speaking of dogs, I did not get to enjoy my first red tomato as Maggie - yellow lab - decided it was for her and by the time I saw it, the small piece I was able to wash and try was not taste-able (it is a word as I hyphened it an all words are good with a hyphen).  However, after my workout this morning, I had 2 more red tomatoes and instead of being sad about the size, I danced around with my little tomatoes and promised to eat them today.  I am very easily excited by little things - not one person is surprised.  YEAH!

I danced over these two beauties

I am often accused of always finding the silver lining even when not one person wants to see it, and it is annoying at times to always see an upside.  I am also accused of being harder on myself than I am on others.  Neither one of these things can be denied so I won't try.

Believe me, there are days I break completely down and can't see the good side of a situation even if it is sitting in my lap.  I am working on it and being honest about the fact that it isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but that goals don't have to be big, life isn't perfect, accepting that is as important as embracing it.  Let's remember to be proud of ourselves and each other too, let's remember to accept some days there might not seem to be anything to be proud about.  YEAH for everyone who got out of bed today, who set a realistic goal, whether you beat it or not!  I am proud of you! YEAH for everyone who beat your goals and set know ones!  YEAH for everyone accepting that some days we don't want to get out of bed and celebrate a reached goal! Moral of all of this?  I am proud of you!