Sometimes it is just a little thing...

Life is sometimes about fixing little things that make the other things just feel a little less insane. Work right now it the most insane - let's just leave it at that - and while I know I head to sun and sand tomorrow, that does not negate the insanity I feel.

Today, three little things happened and I found a little center, a little peace in the chaos.

A dear friend sent a recording of her playing a Christmas song on the piano - this leveled my soul as if it was written and played just for me.

I dropped Maggie Princess off at Granny's for her vacation and to pick up turkeys (Granny's Thanksgiving is an event not to miss!) and Granny gave me animal crackers - I felt loved and important because they were for me.

I went and quite literally got adjusted at the chiro (that I avoided seeing for 3 months, I am stubborn and fine) - it leveled my body and brought a center in it's own right.

These three, what seem to be minor things brought me center, brought me peace. What little things have you done that for yourself that center you?

Food, wine, and an old friend...always worth the call

I moved most of my childhood life - suitcases open doors is not just a title, it was the way I lived - and because of that I believe that I learned some amazing life skills.  Let me be clear, growing up I am sure I did not realize the skills I was learning and am equally sure that I did not make it easier on my parents every time we moved.  Anyway, tonight I met up with a friend that is one of those pick up where you left off kind of friends - a skill I learned moving.  She and I may have grew up in different countries at different times yet we seem to have experienced similar life paths as far as tolerance, growth experiences and, well, life. 

Tonight, two of us sat for hours (many hours actually, ask Ben our waiter/bar tender) catching up on our families, our friends, our lives and eating all of things from the left side of the menu.  There is nothing like baba ganoush and hummus, haloumi, kibbie and lamb with a bottle of Ksara to make time pass; well, there is nothing like our stories and laughter to make the food and wine taste like a Croatian baby's breath garden on a way to an old chapel. 

In today's social media world it is sometimes hard to remember that life is what you make of it - it is not only the life you live online, it is also the times you live sitting across from a friend (I would never call her old, ever, she is a bad ass and I can't run that fast) catching up on the past few months.  I get the irony that I am saying this in an online blog posted on FB and IG but remember, I am not saying the online life is not something to share, I am just saying life is not only those experiences.  I have posted before about taking the time to say yes, taking your rest day; this week has been all about those rest days from life, even for a few hours, and embracing the catching up.  Go catch up with others my friends, I know I have a lot of catching up to do and that is exactly what I plan to do.  Don't be afraid about the time that has passed, true friends pick up right where you left off days, weeks, months, years ago.  Goodness knows, I have a lot more catching up to do and plan to do just that!

Wine and writing - it is how I celebrate life...
now I just need to remember to do it more often!

Water is relaxation - Wednesday is a day of rest

Wednesday is my day of rest.  For those of you that know me or follow my social media threads, it may look like I have a lot of days of rest, and I do take advantage of everyday and adventure that comes my way, but when I am home, I rest Wednesdays and Saturdays from working out.  A few weeks ago, my Mom asked if I would like to start swimming with her in the morning and I thought - Self, this is a perfect thing to do on Wednesday - a day of rest! - so this morning we got into the pool.

We didn't do laps with traditional strokes, we didn't run, no, we stretched, we meandered, we talked to birds and IT WAS PERFECT.  Last Wednesday, I shifted my day of rest to be Tuesday as there was a fear of missing out on a benchmark I had been working so hard to hit.  This Wednesday, I did no such thing.  This Wednesday I embraced the chance to spend an hour with my Mom in a pool, not sunning ourselves, not worrying about anything other than giving our muscles the stretching they needed and our souls the mother daughter cleanse they needed (as Mom and I really can only do in or near water as she is also a mermaid).   I could have done laps, she could have ran circles and laps around me as I stumbled to catch my breath but no, we just enjoyed the water, enjoyed the quiet, forgot that we were in the middle of our little town with responsibilities waiting for us.  Just the perfect way to start the day, and of course, as soon as I sat down, it got me thinking...while rest days are important, do they mean you have to sit on your butt and do nothing alone or is it more effective to rest and stretch your body and soul with someone else?  There is no wrong answer here.

For me, the answer is easy - I love people, even when I don't like people I love people - and I love my family.  Spending that hour in the pool with my Mom was exactly what this rest day needed.  It quite literally rested me, (maybe not my muscles at I did get a little over excited about the stretching in water so I am a little sore, moving on).  My challenge for you is to find what you need to rest on your day of rest - and figure out if you want to do it alone or with someone(s) else.  Is it sitting  with a book or watching TV?  Is it cooking or baking?  Is it going for a walk?  Is it swimming?  Is it yoga?  What is it?  As is the case in all things in life, what is right for one person may not be right for you, and - this is the important part - that is okay!  Don't forget that while you see all the crazy, all the movement in the world, days of rest are just as important and only you can determine what that means for you.

Enjoy your next day of rest my friends, I certainly will after starting it in water with my Mom.

Internal Courage - It's Not Always Easy and That's Okay Too

Facebook memories are meant to bring back experiences you had in life that you may have forgotten about over time.  Today, I got a reminder about a post I wrote in July of 2014 about rain making the flowers go.  It seems we had a lot of literal rain that year, and, I suppose I was having rain in my life as well - or my friends and family were - as I wrote how rain can make the flowers grow which echos a song from one of my all time favorite shows.  What is ironic, is yesterday I shared a post from Busted Halo Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes, courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.' just in case anyone needed to hear it and a number of friends reached out saying thank you, privately and on FB. 

Often times, while running, I get outside of the pain in my legs or breathing and work through things in my head.  If my brain is focused on other things it will forget that it wants me to believe that I cannot do whatever pace/distance I am being told to do.  I digress, today, before I worked out, I reread my post from July of 2014 and that was the premise of my thoughts during the 23 minute run today.  I don't have rain right now, although the skies do look like they are about to open at any minute (and they will because my sprinklers ran this morning), but my head was full of all the thoughts of what is going on in life and sometimes that is overwhelming.  The Tall One is kicking ass and taking names at his internship as he heads into his last semester at A&M.  The Kiddo is kicking ass and taking names at his internship as he heads into his year at UD.  The Big Guy is doing what he does while we both gear up for a few days at the lake with family and fishes. Yet my head was full with all the things that it takes to gear up for a few days at the lake, and work, and the house and and and.  Roughly 20 minutes in, yes it takes me that long to get out of my head, it occurred to me that it is all going to be good.  The boys are continually reaching their next stars despite rough times (life isn't always great y'all - it rains), the Big Guy and I are planning out the rest of our trips for the summer - some with the kids and some without - that are the fruits of the hard work we put in everyday.  Rain will make the flowers grow, and sweat will hide any scared or overwhelmed tears.  And once you let go of those things you can't change, once you accept the rain or the internal courage, well then it is just you and your spirit, and in my case, a sprint to the finish. 

Off to pack - I have a great few days of family and fishes ahead! 

Row Machines, Tomatoes, Silver Linings and Pride

So I posted a shorter version of this on Facebook and Mom (love you) called me out for not blogging so to the blog I go.  It doesn't matter how old you are, when Mom calls you out, you respond and respect.  

Yes, it started as a workout I didn't let myself down (okay, I did but then I grew up and realized no I didn't, I damn well rocked it) and, as I read it again, I realized, it applies to so much more in my life right now.  Sorry, if you saw the short version on FB, you are about to read it again and oh so much more (dah-ling).

Going into the studio this morning I knew that it was a 2000 meter row benchmark and I set a goal - under 12 minutes. As I warmed up, I decided under 10 minutes would be awesome. After I was done, I was not only under 10 minutes, I was under 8:30 and found myself saying 'Oh self, if you hadn't gone out so hard at the start, you could have done under 8 minutes. What is wrong with you?' Let me answer myself: me, that is what is wrong - me, myself and I. If my kids had said, 'I had this goal and I beat it yet I should have done better' I would have told them to shut up and be proud of beating their goal! Life is about putting one foot in front of the other and you aren't truly succeeding unless you set realistic goals and beat them along the way. Now, you might not beat them the first, second or even third time you try, but celebrate them when you do! So, instead of thinking 'I should have beat 8 minutes' I am going to say I rowed 8:24:2 for a 2000m row this morning! YEAH!

Maggie assured me this one delicious

I have had a similar, yet different, experience with my garden.  Those of you who really know me know that I love fresh cut flowers. I think they can brighten a room, change a mood, and they are already dead so I am not in danger of killing them.  Well, this year I started a garden in raised beds.  It started with two raised beds and has now grown to two raised beds, three pots of veggies, 3 hanging pots and 2 planters including 1 of poinsettias that I have kept growing since Christmas.  These are things I kill any time I try yet they are all thriving.  We have enjoyed the spices, I am getting more and more creative with ways to use them, but the veggies have been a challenge.  My first tomato finally turned red and my first thought was 'My beefsteak tomato is the size of a crab apple'.  Honest to goodness small but red tomato that can be eaten before the squirrels or my dogs.  Speaking of dogs, I did not get to enjoy my first red tomato as Maggie - yellow lab - decided it was for her and by the time I saw it, the small piece I was able to wash and try was not taste-able (it is a word as I hyphened it an all words are good with a hyphen).  However, after my workout this morning, I had 2 more red tomatoes and instead of being sad about the size, I danced around with my little tomatoes and promised to eat them today.  I am very easily excited by little things - not one person is surprised.  YEAH!

I danced over these two beauties

I am often accused of always finding the silver lining even when not one person wants to see it, and it is annoying at times to always see an upside.  I am also accused of being harder on myself than I am on others.  Neither one of these things can be denied so I won't try.

Believe me, there are days I break completely down and can't see the good side of a situation even if it is sitting in my lap.  I am working on it and being honest about the fact that it isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but that goals don't have to be big, life isn't perfect, accepting that is as important as embracing it.  Let's remember to be proud of ourselves and each other too, let's remember to accept some days there might not seem to be anything to be proud about.  YEAH for everyone who got out of bed today, who set a realistic goal, whether you beat it or not!  I am proud of you! YEAH for everyone who beat your goals and set know ones!  YEAH for everyone accepting that some days we don't want to get out of bed and celebrate a reached goal! Moral of all of this?  I am proud of you!

Yes, I have the time.

Tonight I got to hang out with a friend I met in another country. Okay, we met in the Portland airport but we don't remember that so move on.

Despite the crazy convention week she had, and the crazy of my normal life, we made time to see each other and it was awesome. We had convention drinks, Texas steak and hotel conversation. If we had planned this it wouldn't have been so perfect.

This is why life is worth living. I have been lucky to meet her in Costa Rica, travel and see her twice in Oregon, and she came here once - we made time.

Yesterday I wrote about not being too busy and today, we made time. Always make time, life is about being there for each other. Even a 30 second hello makes life worth living, the 5 hour drinks that turn into dinners are icing on the cake.

Take the picture from up high...

So I need to do my roots. 

Totally worth it to see Jenny again.

Listen and remember- we aren't always busy (it just feels that way)

As I sit in my backyard listening to the birds, frogs (maybe) and various sounds of dusk I had a thought: life moves fast but am I really that busy? The answer is no.

I know this isn't a new thought, we all have the 'life moves to fast' thought, and it does,  but even in the busiest of times, there is always a moment to just listen if you take it.  I am not saying that it is easy, I remember non-stop days of kids and the partner all going in different directions and me rushing to keep up (and failing) but looking back, I also remember those 5 minute conversations walking around the kitchen island with Billy, or the quick day recap given by Alex as I brush my teeth (I go to bed earlier than anyone in this house).  I remember the fleeting moments Bill and I had while drying dishes.  Sure, I remember the stress of rushing around too but not nearly as easily.

See, now I sit listening to my music and the sounds of dusk, watching my dogs and drinking my wine knowing that all the rushing of today - a different kind of stress from rushing as an empty nester - is done, I have found my time to just not be busy.  I found my time to sit and I am cherishing it nearly as much as I did those conversations and stolen moments because this time? This quiet is just as valuable as the crazy and reminds me of all those amazing times.

Rebuilding - not always easy but not always hard either! Give yourself a chance!

I have been writing mini-entries on FB about my OTF journey, but not on this blog even though I said I was going to write.  It isn't that I don't have entries in my head, I am constantly writing in my head, it is that they occur when I am in the car, at the grocery store, in the studio, or anywhere that I don't have a computer or even the ability to jot things down in one of my many journals.  The last entry was February and now it is the end of April.  In traditional fashion, I mean to write and then I let life take over and I just don't.  Well, today that ends (again) and it comes with a new promise to myself, I will NOT judge me if (and when) the stall in my writing happens again.

Life is full of ups and downs, everyone knows this.  April has been a month of rebuilding for our family since April 20th four years ago.  Rebuilding can be as small in scope as organizing a closet, preparing flower pots for spring, or changing your hair color.  Rebuilding can also be as large in scope as rebuilding a belief, starting a brand new workout, or learning to walk.  Here is the important thing to remember, rebuilding is daunting, it is your journey and you are allowed to be happy or sad, exhausted or ready to take on the world, feel any way you want.  Oh, and the kicker?  No one can make you feel any one way or another - only you can - but they can help make it all a little easier and worth it if you let them.  Sounds smart right?  Yeah, well, I don't live by it all the time, but I try!

This April was a rebuilding month (after a March with the flu and all the fun that comes with that recovery) - it was not always easy, and not always hard.  I have a new garden, cleaner kitchen cabinets, and thanks to a lot of work this weekend - clean carpets again.  I have lost the fear of going and working out with a new routine and new people and reminded myself that I am worth it, and there is nothing I can't do if I set wise and realistic goals.  In short, I have made small changes and am ready to end rebuilding April with a bang and finding those May flowers!

Oh, and to starting to write down all my crazy thoughts again, whether they are read or not!

March started with the attitude of Priscilla (and a little sass),
April ends with an attitude of I can do it (and a little sass)

Heading into crazy time - celebrating the little things

Fat Tuesday is almost upon us, in fact, in 1 more Friday I will be touching down in New Orleans where my many beads, tutus and MG family await so that we can ride in our Krewes, dance in the Garden District and pay the proper respect to both Pat O's and Marie Laveau.  Rest assured that I do not forget tiaras, they simply travel with me on the plane so they are not already in the Crescent City (unless I buy a new one again this year, then that one is still waiting for me in the store but I digress).

While Mardi Gras in itself may seem crazy to most, for me it is the time leading up to it and following it that is even more insane.  Between now and then I will be traveling to see family and friends - UD will beat SLU while I am cheering in red at the Arena, I have no doubt AND I get to see the Kiddo doing his thing, always awesome - working and doing other adult things.  Immediately following MG, we have a busy month of out of state weddings, games and a jaunt to CA for a race and some baseball.  Now you see my crazy, however, I don't mind it.  What I hold on to is the calm  - the routine of getting up and working out, feeding the dogs, hanging out with friends, working during the day and spending time with the Big Guy at night.  I find time to celebrate the little things like the fact that the dog didn't catch the rabbit, drinking wine on the porch with my neighbor in rocking chairs, the bed being made when I get home in the morning (and not just because I make it wrong, but because Bill rocks), What's App and SnapChat messages from the kids.  Sometimes it is hard to find the little things because life is overwhelming, I have A LOT to get done before the travel starts next week but sitting here, sipping coffee, looking over work email and writing this blog reminds me that the little things make the big things worth it.

Keeping in the theme of my last blog and my journey - I have a new little thing to celebrate today.  Green.  No, not money, while important, it is not the green I am talking about.  It is the colors of me in the green, and orange while still in my red.  Yes, check-ins at OTF help different charities (while giving them free marketing, something I also support), it also helps me and reminds me that I am not alone in my journey.  I have friends across the US in OTF and when I see them check-in, I feel like, even with the distance, we worked out together (yes Mel & Kim, I am talking to you!).  For someone who traveled and moved most of her life growing up, holding onto the fact that no one is more than a plane ride away and that we are still living life together is important, this has not changed as I have gotten older. Anyway, back to the celebrating my little thing - GREEN AND ORANGE!!!  Yes, I run red on the tread (I see what I did there 😂😂) but I am celebrating the green and the orange! What are you celebrating today?

Pretty Greens and Orange!!!!! 

A journey without a suitcase - but it has lots of color so why not?

I started a new journey last month, one that is personal in it's own way.  At 35, I started working out hard core and ran the first of many races.  Since then, I have completed numerous halves, a marathon and enough mud runs with obstacles to be considered a mud loving pig.  I really do miss a good mud run.  I have also gone up in down in fitness and weight, and when the weight goes up, let's be honest - it is harder to get the fitness back.  The word embarrassment comes to mind, but why be embarrassed about who you are?  Well, that is an age old question and I am NOT tackling the world here, only my world.

My new journey includes some pretty hard core fitness at OrangeTheory.  Today was distance day, and while I am a distance girl, even at a much slower pace than I ever was before, distance on a treadmill is a whole different story.  And then we need to add in the very daunting heart rate monitor that posts your effort range on very large TVs in the room.  The intent is to get green, orange and some red.  Now, I run red - shocking I know, drama everywhere - my heart rate runs very fast and it seems that I am dying if you look at the screen and yet, if you look at me on whatever device I am currently using, I could be singing or smiling (unless during all out - then I am full on game face, RBF has NOTHING on my all out face thank you very much).  My amazing coaches have assured me that I am good - and they are trained to know - at my 50 splat points while others work to get to 30.  Today, I still had my 48 splat points yet I somehow also managed 21 minutes in orange and 14 in green.  How?  No idea other than the distance run felt good - like, really good.  What is the point to all this build-up?  It is not an OTF commercial I assure you.

The point is I was scared to get back into working out with others, and I need others to be successful in my workouts just like my life.  Yes, the competition is against yourself - be better than the you of yesterday is not just a cheesy saying - but my old self was kind of badass and the new self?  Well, she is getting there again. This is all in my eyes, and how you see yourself is very important to your personal success. 

We are past the first month of dying new year's resolutions so now is the time - challenge yourself, not to be who you may have been in the past - stop comparing yourself to that person, rather challenge yourself to take on your fears (mine was humiliating myself in front of others while trying to better myself, I know, ridiculous) and get through them.  You might be in the best shape of your life right now, you might be exactly where you want to be, but as a human, there is something you are afraid to take a chance and do, DO IT!  Don't do it for me, or your kids, your loved ones, do it for YOU.  Find your green / orange, don't fear the red - and no, this does not only apply to fitness.  I hadn't written since October of last year...another fear overcome.  If I can do it, I know you can.