This happened in my life - good or bad and I survived

Often I post happy pictures of me in races, before, during and after.  It makes me smile to run with so many friends - yes, it as much a social event as it is exercise sometimes.  This weekend I ran back to back half marathons.  Get all your "Erin, you have lost your damned mind.  Why would you do that? How is that healthy?" and other comments out now....okay, ready?  This weekend, I ran back to back half marathons with many friends.  If I had pictures with all of them individually, there would be so many of me smiling, laughing, singing and dance running in my tutu (Tutu Power for Life thank you very much).

That is not what this is about, this post is about the time in between the start and finish lines.  The miles 7, 8, 9 on Sunday when the rain was pouring down and I thought about quitting.  Most of my posts are about the joyous events in my life, or the kids who I adore and learn so much from.  Right now, I have a post about an amazing night The Big Guy and I spent celebrating our kids but this is not that post.  This post is about me being human.

This morning I was sitting in the car and heard Christina Perri's new song 'Only Human' and I knew I had to write this entry.

Saturday, the weather was great and while the race was hard, the miles seemed to go by with me thinking of my wonderful friend Lauren who has lived an amazing life with MS and will continue to outlive me for many years to come.  No, she has no desire to be a half crazy girl by running 13.1, (she is full on crazy for being my best friend however) but she is so strong and this Saturday we will once again celebrate finding a cure to MS at the Walk MS.  Lauren never lets anything stop her, whether she believes that or not.  I admire her - and I hope every day she knows that.

Sunday was a different story.  Sunday it was cold and raining.  Sunday I was sore from the hills the day before and the broken tooth I had worked on.  Sunday I was exhausted...as the Kiddo told me 'it's because you fatigued your body mom - duh.'  Sunday I was with friends but none of us wanted to be out in the rain.  Sunday I was running for Paul who a year ago got a new heart from a generous donor who is in heaven.  Sunday, I had more than a moment where there was more than rain streaming down my cheeks.  Sunday I cried somewhere around mile 9 not sure why I was out there.  I had nothing to prove to anyone.  I didn't have to be a Streaker (6 Mellew races).  I didn't have to finish my 15th half.  I didn't have to take one more step.  Sunday I almost gave up.  Sunday I was reminded again how human I am. That same mile I dug deep, I thought of Paul and how, like Lauren, he probably has no desire to be a half crazy runner but he never gives up and now has a new heart that will allow him to outlive me.  I apologized in my head (and maybe out loud at that point - only the rain knows that) to Paul and kept running.  It wasn't fast, it wasn't pretty but it was what I could do at that moment.  Thank you for being there Paul.

I am not writing any of this for sympathy or for validation.  I am writing this as a reminder that we are all human and not every moment is smiles, colors and joy.  But they are all OUR moments and good or bad - we survive them.

This weekend, and so many others, happened in my life and I survived it and wouldn't trade the time I spent for anything.  I am only human and I will continue to be so - step by step.