I have had to make choices over the past year that are not always easy, not always fun, and certainly not always popular but they are always mine.
This weekend was AMAZING. One of those, won't trade it for anything else in the world kind of things. I got to spend time with my family celebrating life, celebrating boys, celebrating teenage-hood, celebrating mother/son time, celebrating road trip mother/daughter style, just celebrating. While two very important parts of my family didn't get to take part in the fun, they were there in spirit and, from the stories I heard, had a good time staying home by kicking some rugby arse and chilling football style.
Friday night was all about victory and brotherhood. As you have read in many of my posts, the Jesuit men never disappoint when it comes to cheering on their brothers on the hardwood. Friday was no different.
Saturday, road trip, seeing family and surprising the kiddo with a basketball game of 'EPIC' proportions. Texas rocking the Jayhawks as only the burnt orange can. The kiddo not only happy to be seen with me in public but actually loving sharing that time with me. Then getting to spend the evening with Grandma and Pop Pop (even if Duke let the kiddo & his Pop Pop down) as we have done since he was 3 months old.
Sunday meant a very hilly adventure (thanks hill country of Austin) to the most beautiful little church and an amazing Catholic community. I wish I lived closer, I would go there every week. More family and the 'oh my gosh, the world is going to ice over' road trip home. With mandatory stops in West (kolaches, hello - priorities) and Little Italy (pronounced Eye-Tawl-EE thank you very much), mom & I sang and talked our way back home to the country. No ice to be found by the way, but I am over the cold. We live in Texas for goodness sake, not Ohio! The Super Bowl game was a disappointment for only me as the sole Manning supporter in the house, but having everyone under one roof again was pretty great, I cannot lie.
To have this AMAZING weekend, I made choices on what to miss and what to attend. While others may not have made those choices, they were the perfect choices for me and I would make them again. Sometimes, eating the bear means putting you & yours first - and that bear tasted GREAT.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
To motivate or not to motivate...that is the question
I cannot tell a lie, today's post is motivated by a friend who I have not known long but that has motivated me many more times than I know, and for that I am so very grateful.
Life is made up of many different people, thoughts, beliefs and they all make the world go round. I have friends who motivate me, each in their own way, and I am not sure they know it. Some through their words, some through their actions, some through their ability to just get through a situation no matter how hard. I have had friends reach out to me and thank me for motivating them that I didn't even realize I was touching!
On the other hand, sometimes people say and do things that hurt. I like to think unintentionally, that they do it because they don't understand, because they are having a bad day, because they don't understand the situation.
So What?
You never know who you are motivating or pushing down with your words, your actions. I am as guilty of this as anyone - I am sure I am way to hard on people (my kids would stand up and yell HELL YES at this moment I have a feeling) and hurt them without meaning it. I can only hope that I motivate people as much as they motivate me because so many people do, everyday.
It goes back to my post from yesterday about a village, we all live in this village - let's try to find the best in it! And to those of you who have motivated me and continue to do so, thank you, I couldn't do it with out each one of you!
Life is made up of many different people, thoughts, beliefs and they all make the world go round. I have friends who motivate me, each in their own way, and I am not sure they know it. Some through their words, some through their actions, some through their ability to just get through a situation no matter how hard. I have had friends reach out to me and thank me for motivating them that I didn't even realize I was touching!
On the other hand, sometimes people say and do things that hurt. I like to think unintentionally, that they do it because they don't understand, because they are having a bad day, because they don't understand the situation.
So What?
You never know who you are motivating or pushing down with your words, your actions. I am as guilty of this as anyone - I am sure I am way to hard on people (my kids would stand up and yell HELL YES at this moment I have a feeling) and hurt them without meaning it. I can only hope that I motivate people as much as they motivate me because so many people do, everyday.
It goes back to my post from yesterday about a village, we all live in this village - let's try to find the best in it! And to those of you who have motivated me and continue to do so, thank you, I couldn't do it with out each one of you!
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| I have a thing for elephants, they are a community... and they are cute :) |
Monday, January 13, 2014
Village People - because there is no Community People song
We write about what we know, that could be why I write about the kids and how we can learn from them - a lot. This entry isn't going to be any different it seems...
Friday, the Tall One went to school and we didn't see him again until Sunday morning when he headed out the door for rugby boot camp. This 2 day adventure is AMAZING for the team, even if they don't realize it when they are struggling to stay away at 8:30pm at night. From Friday through Sunday they spend time as a team working out, eating, praying, team building. Sunday it ends with an intra-team scrimmage and a family potluck as Rugby is all about community, not just your team, and, as the Coach said, their whole community includes their family, their home. We, the families, sit around with the players and coaches and just take a moment to enjoy a meal together as it should be enjoyed, as an event with your 'village'. I got to meet new families and see old friends - what a blessed meal that was.
At that same time, the Kiddo was with his Pop Pop at the service project for the basketball team. As a team, they were working on the new donation center for Catholic Charities, painting. I laughed with one of the moms late who commented that this was as good for the boys as it was for the center as some of them had to learn how to open ladders and how to paint! This was the Kiddo's community for the afternoon - hanging with his buddies, painting to help out their village. And even better? He got to hang out with his Pop Pop, and that is always a special time.
Later that night, we were all together at the football banquet. The banquet, honoring the seniors, was quite moving as the boys watched the highlight reel and realized just how far they had come this year. Yes, the team had gone further in the playoffs than ever before, but it was more than that. This team was the little engine that could, and at the end, the seniors challenged the underclassmen to keep up the work - to be strong. The night was full of jokes, and stories, it was another one of their communities. Seeing the boys in their element (again), I had nothing but pride and a sense of security knowing that they have found their place in this world today. I know I say that often, but I am reminded often and sometimes I need that reminder!
What is the point (if you are still reading this far down after me talking about the kids again) of all this? We all have villages that make up our whole community. Family, friends, team mates (runners - I am talking to you), peers at work, church, FB friends you have never met in person, the list can go on and on. Value your community, the good the bad as we all have something to offer. Having a good day? Rely your community. Having a bad day? Rely on your community. Just have a regular day? Rely on your community. I am as guilty as anyone - being human and all - forgetting that my community is here for me as much as I am for them. Don't just turn to them when you need help, likewise, don't just turn to them to celebrate. Go paint a warehouse, go have a meal, go have a highlight night, send a message, send a text, or pick up the phone - a novel idea! How have you valued your community? Share as you never know who it might touch in your village...
Friday, the Tall One went to school and we didn't see him again until Sunday morning when he headed out the door for rugby boot camp. This 2 day adventure is AMAZING for the team, even if they don't realize it when they are struggling to stay away at 8:30pm at night. From Friday through Sunday they spend time as a team working out, eating, praying, team building. Sunday it ends with an intra-team scrimmage and a family potluck as Rugby is all about community, not just your team, and, as the Coach said, their whole community includes their family, their home. We, the families, sit around with the players and coaches and just take a moment to enjoy a meal together as it should be enjoyed, as an event with your 'village'. I got to meet new families and see old friends - what a blessed meal that was.
At that same time, the Kiddo was with his Pop Pop at the service project for the basketball team. As a team, they were working on the new donation center for Catholic Charities, painting. I laughed with one of the moms late who commented that this was as good for the boys as it was for the center as some of them had to learn how to open ladders and how to paint! This was the Kiddo's community for the afternoon - hanging with his buddies, painting to help out their village. And even better? He got to hang out with his Pop Pop, and that is always a special time.
Later that night, we were all together at the football banquet. The banquet, honoring the seniors, was quite moving as the boys watched the highlight reel and realized just how far they had come this year. Yes, the team had gone further in the playoffs than ever before, but it was more than that. This team was the little engine that could, and at the end, the seniors challenged the underclassmen to keep up the work - to be strong. The night was full of jokes, and stories, it was another one of their communities. Seeing the boys in their element (again), I had nothing but pride and a sense of security knowing that they have found their place in this world today. I know I say that often, but I am reminded often and sometimes I need that reminder!
What is the point (if you are still reading this far down after me talking about the kids again) of all this? We all have villages that make up our whole community. Family, friends, team mates (runners - I am talking to you), peers at work, church, FB friends you have never met in person, the list can go on and on. Value your community, the good the bad as we all have something to offer. Having a good day? Rely your community. Having a bad day? Rely on your community. Just have a regular day? Rely on your community. I am as guilty as anyone - being human and all - forgetting that my community is here for me as much as I am for them. Don't just turn to them when you need help, likewise, don't just turn to them to celebrate. Go paint a warehouse, go have a meal, go have a highlight night, send a message, send a text, or pick up the phone - a novel idea! How have you valued your community? Share as you never know who it might touch in your village...
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Flying into the future with a blue dog & flying kid
I ended last year as I have the past 2 years - with a race on New Year's Eve and one on New Year's Day with the kiddo. As I watched him (far, far) in front of me I was moved at the beauty of watching him run alone on the path. It was peaceful despite the music rushing through my ears and I was moved at how he looked so free, just him and the road. Amazing.
Of course, there were many pictures after the fact and as I reviewed them, it struck me how much he has grown the past 3 years. I don't just mean physically, although he could put his head on my shoulder the first year and now I have to put my head on his, I mean mentally as well. He is a confident kid running at the front of the pack without a second thought. He is no longer nervous walking into school, onto the basketball court, onto the field. He knows he belongs and just goes to work - whatever the work happens to be at the time - always looking forward.
Yesterday I was cleaning out my briefcase and found his old Blue's Clues mailbox sticker. He gave me this sticker when he was a little boy and I taped it to my monitor where it stayed until I got a new one last year. Clearly, I couldn't throw it away as it still remains with me, in my briefcase. The past came rushing back of him solving whatever mystery Blue had for him that week in his big chair. Even then, he knew he would solve the problem.
What's the point? I could have easily gotten stuck in the past with those pictures, with that sticker; it was easier when he was little and I could hug away the problems, the fears, the scary parts. There past where my little angel thought there was nothing his mommy couldn't do but I don't want to do that, or go back there. I loved spending time with him as is our tradition, I love that sometimes he still needs a hug (yes, I hug him even if I don't hug - he is an exception to the bubble), I love that he ran out front into an unknown future and does so every day. I love that one day he has a problem that will 'end the world' and the next day, he goes to work and figures it out.
Moral - I don't do resolutions but I do embrace the present and look towards the future; my kiddo reminds me of that, even if he doesn't realize it. We sit down in our thinking chair or we put one foot in front of the other and we solve the problem. The past demands it of us.
Of course, there were many pictures after the fact and as I reviewed them, it struck me how much he has grown the past 3 years. I don't just mean physically, although he could put his head on my shoulder the first year and now I have to put my head on his, I mean mentally as well. He is a confident kid running at the front of the pack without a second thought. He is no longer nervous walking into school, onto the basketball court, onto the field. He knows he belongs and just goes to work - whatever the work happens to be at the time - always looking forward.
Yesterday I was cleaning out my briefcase and found his old Blue's Clues mailbox sticker. He gave me this sticker when he was a little boy and I taped it to my monitor where it stayed until I got a new one last year. Clearly, I couldn't throw it away as it still remains with me, in my briefcase. The past came rushing back of him solving whatever mystery Blue had for him that week in his big chair. Even then, he knew he would solve the problem.
What's the point? I could have easily gotten stuck in the past with those pictures, with that sticker; it was easier when he was little and I could hug away the problems, the fears, the scary parts. There past where my little angel thought there was nothing his mommy couldn't do but I don't want to do that, or go back there. I loved spending time with him as is our tradition, I love that sometimes he still needs a hug (yes, I hug him even if I don't hug - he is an exception to the bubble), I love that he ran out front into an unknown future and does so every day. I love that one day he has a problem that will 'end the world' and the next day, he goes to work and figures it out.
Moral - I don't do resolutions but I do embrace the present and look towards the future; my kiddo reminds me of that, even if he doesn't realize it. We sit down in our thinking chair or we put one foot in front of the other and we solve the problem. The past demands it of us.
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| I don't run with my phone, or a camera, so I didn't get a picture of him a head of the pack but thanks to one of my running friends, I will always have this one of the kiddo flying. |
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
It's okay to be nervous - surround yourself with your team and it will be fine!
I raised an independent kid. I don't think it was intentional on my part, just the way it worked as my parents raised a very independent kid - it really makes sense.
This morning, he met the Jesuit Varsity basketball team for a road trip to CA. I chose not to go as he needs to get out on his own with his team and build the bond that will last the season. And, he needs time to be him - right? Right. Now, senior year? I think I shall go as the coaches put it "A vacation for the parents with a game or two thrown in." Sounds like fun to me.
As I was standing there this morning, watching all the boys in their uniform warm ups talking to each other, I observed some funny moments...
It is just one of many amazing opportunities the kiddo will have in his life and has had with Jesuit so far (in his short 1.5 years to date) and I couldn't be happier for him. I can't help but remember the little nervous habits he exhibited this morning that no one but mom might recognize, and I liked seeing them. It was just a reminder that he still my kiddo, in a bigger body & more mature, but deep down, still mine and not as brave he wants the world to think. These boys all had them I am sure, but didn't want to share that news with the world, after all, they are the coolest in the world.
That got me thinking, no matter how old we get (yes, we get older and mature - sometimes), it is okay to be nervous even if we don't show it to the world. New experiences make people nervous, and that is okay! Just be sure to be around people you trust - your team so to speak - and it will be one more day in a great adventure.
Have a GREAT adventure boys - we are so proud of you!
GO RANGERS!
This morning, he met the Jesuit Varsity basketball team for a road trip to CA. I chose not to go as he needs to get out on his own with his team and build the bond that will last the season. And, he needs time to be him - right? Right. Now, senior year? I think I shall go as the coaches put it "A vacation for the parents with a game or two thrown in." Sounds like fun to me.
As I was standing there this morning, watching all the boys in their uniform warm ups talking to each other, I observed some funny moments...
- Teenage boys pack as much as teenage girls and call clothes 'outfits'. At least some of them do - to which the adults had a good laugh. Where do they think they are going?
- They act so much cooler than they are (yup still little boys inside.) I posted that they asked if people thought they looked intimidating all together as a team in their warm ups and the coach reminded them that no they don't. But the minute the strangers were gone, and they forgot they weren't just a bunch of cool guys sitting around, they started talking about hornets and how they do not cry. No, they had sunscreen in their eyes and that was why it appeared they got upset. They all laughed at this in that way that you know they were all thinking- "Oh hell yes that hurt, we cried!"
- They aren't as secure as they want you to believe. The thought of sitting by themselves on an airplane? Not something any of them wanted to deal with.
- They want each other to succeed. "Who has Spanish this year and again next year?" "Oh dude, you are helping all of us out." "Alright - it'll happen."
- Nervous chatter. Also something not reserved just for girls.
- They still want to be touched. Each one of them stayed close to mom/dad and hugged them as they left. Kiddo is NOT an affection for Mom in public guy, but he hugged me (and even said he loved me - awwww)
It is just one of many amazing opportunities the kiddo will have in his life and has had with Jesuit so far (in his short 1.5 years to date) and I couldn't be happier for him. I can't help but remember the little nervous habits he exhibited this morning that no one but mom might recognize, and I liked seeing them. It was just a reminder that he still my kiddo, in a bigger body & more mature, but deep down, still mine and not as brave he wants the world to think. These boys all had them I am sure, but didn't want to share that news with the world, after all, they are the coolest in the world.
That got me thinking, no matter how old we get (yes, we get older and mature - sometimes), it is okay to be nervous even if we don't show it to the world. New experiences make people nervous, and that is okay! Just be sure to be around people you trust - your team so to speak - and it will be one more day in a great adventure.
Have a GREAT adventure boys - we are so proud of you!
GO RANGERS!
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Learning is a Two-Way Street
Since the kiddo was in first grade, we have been involved in Scouting. From Tigers up through Webelos IIs in Cubs and from Scout to Life in Boys Scouts. I have seen him grow with many of these boys, have seen what they all go through from being excited to camp in the rain to not wanting to get out of bed to even look at a tent.
Last night was a Court of Honor where I watched a boy be recognized and awarded his rank of Eagle. Two other boys were then called out as being the next two in line for Eagle and we talked about the kiddo who hopes to complete his this year.
These kids, these young men, show such dedication. While sometimes, it seems like you have to pull them towards the goal line (Eagle in last night's case), they still do it against all odds. School, sports, theatre, band, girls, whatever it is - they do it. Many adults couldn't complete a project with the dedication that these young men have. And let's be honest, while many respect the rank of Eagle, it is hard as a teenage boy to sometimes admit that he puts on a uniform and attends Scouting events, especially as they get older. It isn't the most popular of things to spend your time doing.
When I got home last night, I had the chance to talk to the kiddo. One of his buddies told him that he earned his rank of Eagle last week to which the kiddo told him that he hopes to do his project over Thanksgiving. This Eagle could have asked the kiddo what took so long, could have teased him for being after him, could have said any number of things but you know what he said? You let me know when you are doing it, I will be there to help out.
Saturday, both the old and young kiddo worked all day with their fellow Jesuit buddies to help raise money for an outreach camp in Africa through the Society of Jesuit. They organized brackets, recruited teams, played soccer, played with little kids who don't know what it is like to be lucky enough to have more than one pair of shoes. Again, all of these teenagers could have said they had better things to do, dates, football games, you name it, but they didn't. They came up to school on Saturday and hung out with those less fortunate and tried to help make their lives a little brighter.
It is easy to forget that teenage boys aren't all smart ass remarks and jokes but I, for one, am learning about how to be charitable and a good human from them as they are from me. Now to remember that when I would rather smack them upside the head than deal with the attitude one more time...we are all only human after all ;)
Last night was a Court of Honor where I watched a boy be recognized and awarded his rank of Eagle. Two other boys were then called out as being the next two in line for Eagle and we talked about the kiddo who hopes to complete his this year.
These kids, these young men, show such dedication. While sometimes, it seems like you have to pull them towards the goal line (Eagle in last night's case), they still do it against all odds. School, sports, theatre, band, girls, whatever it is - they do it. Many adults couldn't complete a project with the dedication that these young men have. And let's be honest, while many respect the rank of Eagle, it is hard as a teenage boy to sometimes admit that he puts on a uniform and attends Scouting events, especially as they get older. It isn't the most popular of things to spend your time doing.
When I got home last night, I had the chance to talk to the kiddo. One of his buddies told him that he earned his rank of Eagle last week to which the kiddo told him that he hopes to do his project over Thanksgiving. This Eagle could have asked the kiddo what took so long, could have teased him for being after him, could have said any number of things but you know what he said? You let me know when you are doing it, I will be there to help out.
Saturday, both the old and young kiddo worked all day with their fellow Jesuit buddies to help raise money for an outreach camp in Africa through the Society of Jesuit. They organized brackets, recruited teams, played soccer, played with little kids who don't know what it is like to be lucky enough to have more than one pair of shoes. Again, all of these teenagers could have said they had better things to do, dates, football games, you name it, but they didn't. They came up to school on Saturday and hung out with those less fortunate and tried to help make their lives a little brighter.
It is easy to forget that teenage boys aren't all smart ass remarks and jokes but I, for one, am learning about how to be charitable and a good human from them as they are from me. Now to remember that when I would rather smack them upside the head than deal with the attitude one more time...we are all only human after all ;)
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| Just another Saturday at Jesuit - Men Helping Others AAOS 2013 |
Monday, October 14, 2013
Sometimes, it is just about finishing your race.; even if there isn't an actual race or actual bling at the end...
This past summer has been an interesting one, life has thrown out good times, bad times and everything in between. I have had moments where I was sure I couldn't get through another step and others where I knew I was going full steam ahead happier than ever.
This past weekend I ran double halves. No, really. I intentionally laced up my shoes, glided my body and ran 13.1 miles on Saturday and Sunday morning in 96% and 81% humidity respectively on purpose. No one has ever called me sane, why should we start now. I was with an amazing group of women, all of different sizes, paces and passions on this trek who motivate me all in their own way. I also had an additional amazing group of friends and family I have know forever and friends I only know virtually or met a short time ago cheering me on from afar and supporting me whether they realized it or not. All about the live and virtual cowbells people.
I once posted an entry about why I run. I have written about running being a team sport, okay, so I wrote about it twice - I am a writer, it's what I do. It is a team sport, and if you have ever run with a group, be it 1 mile or 100, you know that.
But I digress, as I often do - I know.
Too often we set goals for ourselves, realistic or maybe not so much, and when we don't hit them, we feel like a failure. When we don't crash through barriers, we feel like finishing alive isn't enough and I am here to tell you IT IS ENOUGH. I didn't set any PRs this weekend, heck, my times were some of my slowest ever but I still ran 13.1 miles, twice. I still ran through the finish line both days and heard my name "eRun Erin D Reilly has finished." I still completed 2 half marathons and got the bling.
Saturday I ran into a friend that I met at a New Year's race and helped him through the last 4 miles with wicked calf cramps, didn't think twice about stopping to help him stretch them. Didn't think about the time that I would be posting as I ran over the finish line with him into the arms of my wonderful man who came to cheer on my victory. This was my 10th half, it was supposed to be my PR - life had many other plans so it was, and always will be, my 10th half regardless of time. It was awesome.
Sunday was made of all hills (yes, a town in Texas that has NOTHING BUT UPHILLS) and when my body told me enough, I actually listened and walked up those hills (I still ran down, I am only so reasonable). I ran with my wonderful friend as long as I could then made the trek myself. I met a 13 year old girl and her mom who were running together, it was the 13 year old's first half and I had the honor of experiencing it with her and it was motivational.
Both races I finished with my awe inspiring friend, who I watched run many many years ago and swore I would never run. She is the one who paced me through my first half and to my yet beaten PR. She came back both days (finishing way before me) and ran the last half mile or so with me cheering me all along the way. It is just what she does, and it was great.
I will admit, the end of day two I felt down that I still was slower than I may have wanted to be. I was wondering if I would ever pick up the pace again and then I watched a video my mom sent us. I didn't cry, the girls were around, but I was on the inside. No matter what, good days and bad, I am Who I Am and am loved by so many. I wanted to share it with all of you - YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE and YOU ARE LOVED!!! I don't care if you walk, run, sit, crawl. If you feel like you have no friends or a million you are loved. You are amazing.
You are a winner in my book, life doesn't always give us actual bling to show us that we are winners, but I would give you each bling if I could for your everyday victories. Mine was realizing that fast or slow, I succeeded. What is yours? Now, wear your bling with pride.
This past weekend I ran double halves. No, really. I intentionally laced up my shoes, glided my body and ran 13.1 miles on Saturday and Sunday morning in 96% and 81% humidity respectively on purpose. No one has ever called me sane, why should we start now. I was with an amazing group of women, all of different sizes, paces and passions on this trek who motivate me all in their own way. I also had an additional amazing group of friends and family I have know forever and friends I only know virtually or met a short time ago cheering me on from afar and supporting me whether they realized it or not. All about the live and virtual cowbells people.
I once posted an entry about why I run. I have written about running being a team sport, okay, so I wrote about it twice - I am a writer, it's what I do. It is a team sport, and if you have ever run with a group, be it 1 mile or 100, you know that.
But I digress, as I often do - I know.
Saturday I ran into a friend that I met at a New Year's race and helped him through the last 4 miles with wicked calf cramps, didn't think twice about stopping to help him stretch them. Didn't think about the time that I would be posting as I ran over the finish line with him into the arms of my wonderful man who came to cheer on my victory. This was my 10th half, it was supposed to be my PR - life had many other plans so it was, and always will be, my 10th half regardless of time. It was awesome.
Sunday was made of all hills (yes, a town in Texas that has NOTHING BUT UPHILLS) and when my body told me enough, I actually listened and walked up those hills (I still ran down, I am only so reasonable). I ran with my wonderful friend as long as I could then made the trek myself. I met a 13 year old girl and her mom who were running together, it was the 13 year old's first half and I had the honor of experiencing it with her and it was motivational.
Both races I finished with my awe inspiring friend, who I watched run many many years ago and swore I would never run. She is the one who paced me through my first half and to my yet beaten PR. She came back both days (finishing way before me) and ran the last half mile or so with me cheering me all along the way. It is just what she does, and it was great.
I will admit, the end of day two I felt down that I still was slower than I may have wanted to be. I was wondering if I would ever pick up the pace again and then I watched a video my mom sent us. I didn't cry, the girls were around, but I was on the inside. No matter what, good days and bad, I am Who I Am and am loved by so many. I wanted to share it with all of you - YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE and YOU ARE LOVED!!! I don't care if you walk, run, sit, crawl. If you feel like you have no friends or a million you are loved. You are amazing.
You are a winner in my book, life doesn't always give us actual bling to show us that we are winners, but I would give you each bling if I could for your everyday victories. Mine was realizing that fast or slow, I succeeded. What is yours? Now, wear your bling with pride.
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