It's okay to be nervous - surround yourself with your team and it will be fine!

I raised an independent kid.  I don't think it was intentional on my part, just the way it worked as my parents raised a very independent kid - it really makes sense.

This morning, he met the Jesuit Varsity basketball team for a road trip to CA.   I chose not to go as he needs to get out on his own with his team and build the bond that will last the season.  And, he needs time to be him - right?  Right.  Now, senior year?  I think I shall go as the coaches put it "A vacation for the parents with a game or two thrown in."  Sounds like fun to me.

As I was standing there this morning, watching all the boys in their uniform warm ups talking to each other, I observed some funny moments...

• Teenage boys pack as much as teenage girls and call clothes 'outfits'.  At least some of them do - to which the adults had a good laugh.  Where do they think they are going?
• They act so much cooler than they are (yup still little boys inside.)  I posted that they asked if people thought they looked intimidating all together as a team in their warm ups and the coach reminded them that no they don't.  But the minute the strangers were gone, and they forgot they weren't just a bunch of cool guys sitting around, they started talking about hornets and how they do not cry.  No, they had sunscreen in their eyes and that was why it appeared they got upset.  They all laughed at this in that way that you know they were all thinking- "Oh hell yes that hurt, we cried!"
• They aren't as secure as they want you to believe.  The thought of sitting by themselves on an airplane? Not something any of them wanted to deal with.
• They want each other to succeed.  "Who has Spanish this year and again next year?"  "Oh dude, you are helping all of us out."  "Alright - it'll happen."
• Nervous chatter.  Also something not reserved just for girls.
• They still want to be touched.  Each one of them stayed close to mom/dad and hugged them as they left.  Kiddo is NOT an affection for Mom in public guy, but he hugged me (and even said he loved me - awwww)

I know I saw more things, and had a great laugh or 6 this morning, but that is what I remember most.  None of which is really a surprise if you have a boy or boys in your house or life.

It is just one of many amazing opportunities the kiddo will have in his life and has had with Jesuit so far (in his short 1.5 years to date) and I couldn't be happier for him.  I can't help but remember the little nervous habits he exhibited this morning that no one but mom might recognize, and I liked seeing them. It was just a reminder that he still my kiddo, in a bigger body & more mature, but deep down, still mine and not as brave he wants the world to think.  These boys all had them I am sure, but didn't want to share that news with the world, after all, they are the coolest in the world.

That got me thinking, no matter how old we get (yes, we get older and mature - sometimes), it is okay to be nervous even if we don't show it to the world.  New experiences make people nervous, and that is okay!  Just be sure to be around people you trust - your team so to speak - and it will be one more day in a great adventure.

Have a GREAT adventure boys - we are so proud of you!

GO RANGERS!

Learning is a Two-Way Street

Since the kiddo was in first grade, we have been involved in Scouting.  From Tigers up through Webelos IIs in Cubs and from Scout to Life in Boys Scouts.  I have seen him grow with many of these boys, have seen what they all go through from being excited to camp in the rain to not wanting to get out of bed to even look at a tent.

Last night was a Court of Honor where I watched a boy be recognized and awarded his rank of Eagle.  Two other boys were then called out as being the next two in line for Eagle and we talked about the kiddo who hopes to complete his this year.

These kids, these young men, show such dedication.  While sometimes, it seems like you have to pull them towards the goal line (Eagle in last night's case), they still do it against all odds.  School, sports, theatre, band, girls, whatever it is - they do it.  Many adults couldn't complete a project with the dedication that these young men have.  And let's be honest, while many respect the rank of Eagle, it is hard as a teenage boy to sometimes admit that he puts on a uniform and attends Scouting events, especially as they get older.  It isn't the most popular of things to spend your time doing.

When I got home last night, I had the chance to talk to the kiddo.  One of his buddies told him that he earned his rank of Eagle last week to which the kiddo told him that he hopes to do his project over Thanksgiving.  This Eagle could have asked the kiddo what took so long, could have teased him for being after him, could have said any number of things but you know what he said?  You let me know when you are doing it, I will be there to help out.

Saturday, both the old and young kiddo worked all day with their fellow Jesuit buddies to help raise money for an outreach camp in Africa through the Society of Jesuit.  They organized brackets, recruited teams, played soccer, played with little kids who don't know what it is like to be lucky enough to have more than one pair of shoes.   Again, all of these teenagers could have said they had better things to do, dates, football games, you name it, but they didn't.  They came up to school on Saturday and hung out with those less fortunate and tried to help make their lives a little brighter.

It is easy to forget that teenage boys aren't all smart ass remarks and jokes but I, for one, am learning about how to be charitable and a good human from them as they are from me.  Now to remember that when I would rather smack them upside the head than deal with the attitude one more time...we are all only human after all ;)

Just another Saturday at Jesuit - Men Helping Others
AAOS 2013

Sometimes, it is just about finishing your race.; even if there isn't an actual race or actual bling at the end...

This past summer has been an interesting one, life has thrown out good times, bad times and everything in between.  I have had moments where I was sure I couldn't get through another step and others where I knew I was going full steam ahead happier than ever.

This past weekend I ran double halves.  No, really.  I intentionally laced up my shoes, glided my body and ran 13.1 miles on Saturday and Sunday morning in 96% and 81% humidity respectively on purpose.  No one has ever called me sane, why should we start now.  I was with an amazing group of women, all of different sizes, paces and passions on this trek who motivate me all in their own way.  I also had an additional amazing group of friends and family I have know forever and friends I only know virtually or met a short time ago cheering me on from afar and supporting me whether they realized it or not.  All about the live and virtual cowbells people.

I once posted an entry about why I run.  I have written about running being a team sport, okay, so I wrote about it twice - I am a writer, it's what I do.   It is a team sport, and if you have ever run with a group, be it 1 mile or 100, you know that.

But I digress, as I often do - I know.  

Too often we set goals for ourselves, realistic or maybe not so much, and when we don't hit them, we feel like a failure.  When we don't crash through barriers, we feel like finishing alive isn't enough and I am here to tell you IT IS ENOUGH.  I didn't set any PRs this weekend, heck, my times were some of my slowest ever but I still ran 13.1 miles, twice.  I still ran through the finish line both days and heard my name "eRun Erin D Reilly has finished."  I still completed 2 half marathons and got the bling.

Saturday I ran into a friend that I met at a New Year's race and helped him through the last 4 miles with wicked calf cramps, didn't think twice about stopping to help him stretch them.  Didn't think about the time that I would be posting as I ran over the finish line with him into the arms of my wonderful man who came to cheer on my victory.  This was my 10th half, it was supposed to be my PR - life had many other plans so it was, and always will be, my 10th half regardless of time.  It was awesome.

Sunday was made of all hills (yes, a town in Texas that has NOTHING BUT UPHILLS) and when my body told me enough, I actually listened and walked up those hills (I still ran down, I am only so reasonable).   I ran with my wonderful friend as long as I could then made the trek myself.  I met a 13 year old girl and her mom who were running together, it was the 13 year old's first half and I had the honor of experiencing it with her and it was motivational. 

Both races I finished with my awe inspiring friend, who I watched run many many years ago and swore I would never run.  She is the one who paced me through my first half and to my yet beaten PR.  She came back both days (finishing way before me) and ran the last half mile or so with me cheering me all along the way.  It is just what she does, and it was great.

I will admit, the end of day two I felt down that I still was slower than I may have wanted to be.  I was wondering if I would ever pick up the pace again and then I watched a video my mom sent us.  I didn't cry, the girls were around, but I was on the inside. No matter what, good days and bad, I am Who I Am and am loved by so many.  I wanted to share it with all of you - YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE and YOU ARE LOVED!!!  I don't care if you walk, run, sit, crawl.  If you feel like you have no friends or a million you are loved.  You are amazing.  

You are a winner in my book, life doesn't always give us actual bling to show us that we are winners, but I would give you each bling if I could for your everyday victories.  Mine was realizing that fast or slow, I succeeded.  What is yours?  Now, wear your bling with pride.

Embrace it - whatever it is for you

I was going to write all about how great my weekend was, I even have the draft ready to go with pictures but after Monday, I didn't post it.  Like many others, I felt so confused, angry, sad, angry (it warrants being repeated) that I wasn't in the mood to be cheery about my great weekend.  Boston affected people in many different ways, I am no different.  Then we woke up this morning to the West disaster and it seemed like the hits just wouldn't stop coming.  I don't know anyone in West but drive through it on my way to Austin to see my family.  Everyone who has made that trek stops at the Czech Stop for kolaches...West is a vital part of the road trip.

This morning I posted the following on Facebook:  

"This week we all came together as a country in support of Boston and each other as we witnessed the tragedy of evil. As we woke this morning, we learned of a different kind of tragedy in West, Texas and again we all are coming together in support of the people of West. The endless capability of the human spirit to give, pray, support and come together is awe inspiring. Please hug your family a little tighter this week; tell your friends - even those you may have not seen in a while - how much you love and value them; take an extra moment to say 'hi', wave or smile at a stranger just because. We are one people despite the difference in our opinions, our beliefs, our heritage. God Bless everyone, my life is even more valuable because you are all in it."

and it hit me, here I am saying take a moment, remind people that you love them and enjoy life and I was not following my own advice.  I was keeping the lessons from my awesome weekend to myself.  I spent time with wonderful friends and family this weekend and I cannot let the terrors of this week steal that from us.

This weekend was jam packed from Friday night until Sunday night.  It was one of those weekends that you have so much going on that you forget about things like groceries or laundry (thanks honey!)...minor details.  However, it was an amazing weekend and if every weekend was like this one?  Well, that would be perfect.

We had rugby & baseball and once again, watching my boys do what they do brought me such peace.  Yes, they are two different kids and they both have different roles in their sport but they are both athletes in their own right.  Watching them embrace what they do?  Best use of my time - we could learn from them.  Go for your dreams and don't worry about the guy trying to slam into you or what people might think as you work on the book and analyze what works and what doesn't.

Saturday night was date night - something parents understand as a luxury that we don't often remember to take advantage of - at the auction.  The man and I met at an auction many years ago, and being a little bit of a cheesy girl, they mean a lot to me.  Even more fun?  I got to wear a fascinator come on (it was a KY Derby theme)...how is that not a perfect night?  

Sunday morning brought what many of my Sunday mornings do...race day!  It was my 8th half marathon and I finally got to run along White Rock Lake.   Even more exciting than spending my Sunday morning with the running girls, my cousin landed right as I was crossing the finish line.  I have many cousins, and since I moved away when I was young (and before most of them were born,) I don't get to see them often.  It was a special treat that she was in town for work so we took advantage of it.  

We started family funday at the horse races, my first trek out to the races here in Dallas and I can't wait to do it again.  Us ladies chose our horses based on names and spunk, the boys?  They had a super secret science to it.  We won't talk about who was more successful...:)

No trip to Dallas would be complete without a walk through Dealey Plaza, so the man gave us a first hand tour of what it was like that fateful day in November.  It is a different story when you have someone who was there telling it.  Even in that place, where tragedy struck so many years ago, we weren't on our guard, we were simply walking around enjoying the weather and each other.

The weekend closed out with a true Texas dinner - red meat.  If you have ever been to a Brazilian steakhouse, you know what I am talking about.  Now, I am not a huge eater but Sunday night?  I ate my weight in meat and didn't worry a bit. 

I loved spending time with my cousin, loved that my boys got to spend time with her and that we all had fun doing it.  I am sure there were stressful points in the weekend, but I don't remember them...I just remember having an amazing time with everyone. Laughing, cheering, loving, eating, drinking (it is what we do - we are Irish/Italian and you have to eat and drink for it to be a family event.)

Last weekend I got to spend precious time with my family and my friends.  I didn't worry about work, laundry, school, life, I just embraced the moment to spend time with those I love.  I need to learn to do that more often, life is too short my friends!  The laundry will be there, work will be there, school will be there, but times like these?  They won't always be around - enjoy them, embrace them, and while you are at it?  Embrace each other a little tighter; sometimes a fast horse, an auction, a plate of meat, a glass of wine, a walk through history is exactly what you need.  Run for your Roses this week...we certainly did this weekend.  And after the tragedies of this week, I think we can all use a little embrace.

Push Through the Wall.

Sometimes life is about standing up and facing what is thrown your way - runners call it the wall and I hit mine around mile 9ish when running a half and again at mile 20 during my full.  

Monday, we united as a country and stood up against evil. Tuesday, runners everywhere Ran for Boston, the fans, the family, the friends, the first responders, the runners - we ran for all of them.  We ran as a community, as a team, as a family.

You think you knocked us down? Try mile 9. You think you scared us? Try the hill at mile 15. You think we won't endure? Trying crossing the finish line in the ice, rain, snow, heat - sweating, crying, bleeding. We will get up. We will push through doubt and fear. We will endure. If our strength feels like it is giving out, then we will use your cowardice to motivate us to push through that wall.  We will finish. We are a team and we stand together.

WE ARE RUNNERS.

We are all a team - and now we all need to pray.

My posts are, normally, uplifting.  They are about appreciating the little things and how the adventures I encounter form my thoughts and days.  Today I have questions.

I was ready to write about my amazing and full weekend.  The wonderful people I had fun with, the family adventures we encountered but now?  Now I am confused.

I am a runner and one thing I have learned is that running is a team sport.  I run with some wonderful ladies and we get each other through our easy and hard runs - easy and hard days.  I am on numerous FB groups where we cheer each other on as if we are old friends, and yet, we have never met.  We are all kindred spirits, we run together.

Today, we were all cheering for our fellow runners in the Boston Marathon - we are their cheerleaders from all over the globe. Some of us even have far fetched dreams of making it some day.  Now we are asking questions.  Now we are praying.

We don't know what has happened, and we don't have answers.  It may be a while before we know anything but one thing I do know - we need to pray.  We need pray for the runners who are done, the runners who are still on the course, the fans, the families and friends cheering from home and can't get updates.

We are all a team - and now we all need to pray.

Today we fight

I had lunch with 3/4 of the CN Mafia (great group of friends aptly named by one of the fiancees); we were sampling food for the reception, it is an important role that we HAD to do.  You know, because none of us have ever eaten at Fuddruckers before...hee hee hee :)

Anyway, while we were sacrificing buffaloes in honor of our hungry tummies, we were talking about life and death.  All of us are of the mindset that when it is time to go, it is time to go.  But we are all fighters.  There is nothing that we wouldn't fight through if we put our minds too it (we are forged in TM mud after all).  

Today, a friend is fighting for the right to live literally.  He is going for surgery for a new heart.  Yes, this is the same person that had a heart 'die' on him months ago while being prepped.  Today, the heart is viable and will be his.  We tough girls all made it clear that once we are gone, we are donating everything that can be used.  EVERYTHING.  If someone gets to live on, live on!  We certainly don't need it anymore.

So today, we fight for him.  We fight for his amazing wife and his two great kids.  We fight for everyone who can't fight for themselves.  Everyone is unique, has different opinions on right and wrong, politics, religion, you name it, but everyone deserves the right to fight.

Angels watch him as he fights today, and let him know that we are fighting for him too.

Because I can

On March 3rd, I ran my first marathon.  This was a huge deal for me for so many reasons.  26.2 down.  I can say the words "I am a marathoner" and be proud of it.  I had an amazing group of friends come and cheer for me in Arkansas - yup, they drove the 5 hours to Arkansas - through the whole thing.  At one point, they actually fed me, FED ME, and I let them.  I asked for hugs at the end, the non-toucher needing hugs and help walking, but that is neither here nor there.  I had more family and friends cheering for me from a far - they were with me the whole time too whether they realized it or not.

That whole amazing experience, where I started as a girl who started running a year and a half ago, made me realize just how much a person is capable of doing.  I did start and end as a different person and would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of doing another one, pain, tears, scars and all.  I am a marathoner, and that is not the most amazing thing that happened to me that weekend.

On March 2nd, I walked in the Walk MS event in Dallas for the third straight year.  Lauren and I walked with our families for a cure.  It was awesome to see the amount of people out there walking, riding, running, scooting, whatever it took to show the dedication we have to find a cure for MS.  I don't know how many more years we will be walking it together (there is talk of a tent with a hostess next year) but I know I will be walking it as long as these two legs will carry me, just like I will be running in races as long as the same two legs will carry me.  Why?  Because I can.

I got countless emails and texts the week after asking me how I felt and my most honest answer was that I felt blessed.  Yes, I was sore as hell and I could never imagine running a 5k, let alone a marathon, ever again, but more than that? I felt lucky.

Somewhere between my wipe out after mile 8 and the hill from hell at mile 24 I realized something.  I was doing what so many people cannot.  The day before, I was celebrating and walking in honor of so many people who would LOVE to be able to run even a mile, let alone 26.2.  Sunday, I was realizing a dream I had put my mind too. My legs, muscles, feet, lungs, heart - sure, they may have been screaming and cramping in ways I didn't know was possible - were carrying me the whole way.

I wrote this many weeks ago and never posted it, I still don't think it provides the full message, or emotion, of what I feel about that weekend but it was time to hit 'Publish'.  People still ask me why I did it.  People think I have lost my mind as it is bad for my knees, or hips, or doesn't need to happen as no one is chasing me, or takes too much time, or or or.  The real answer is I did it because I can and so many others cannot.  And it isn't because they don't want to, or they just don't care to put in the training or try, they physically cannot do it.

I am a marathoner because I ran 26.2 miles and I did it because I can.

From here, the fog looks like a soft blanket

I am flying right now and I mean literally flying over beautiful rock formations and snow topped mountains.   I wish I could say it was in a private jet with someone serving me crepes and mimosas while I caught up on all the movies I want to see OR in a small plan piloting it on a site seeing adventure, but alas I am flying in a Super-80 (yuck) to our corporate office for a couple days of meetings.  It helps that our corporate office is in Palo Alto, CA and the weather should be great of course.  It doesn't help that due to the Comedy of Errors that is my life I didn't get to eat this morning or have my tea but I digress.

It all looks so peaceful from up here, the pilot just said we could see the Grand Canyon in the distance.  I have only ever seen the Grand Canyon from the sky, it is on my list of places to visit in person...I want to walk on the sky bridge and look down before rafting down the river.

Back to being peaceful.  On this cloudless day, I can almost see the wild animals on the peaks or plateaus   The red rocks and white snow remind me of Estes park, not that there were red rocks as much as the peace and reminder of how very small we are.  I know there are people down there, roads, offices, houses, schools, but from up here?  Up here there is simply miles and miles of canyons and mountains.

It is unfortunate that I needed to be thousands of feet in the air to remember the peaceful feeling that I had while climbing the continental divide (talk about feeling small) or sitting by the pool in Mexico, or on the beach in Florida...I am going to take advantage of it none the less.

Find your peace today, even if it is for a few fleeting moments and without crepes or climbing equipment.

Finding Your Home

A month again...oops.  It's not that I don't have things to write, it is more like I have too much to write!

Anyway, I live my life with a soundtrack.  I had a boyfriend in high school who asked me if my family will randomly break out into song...yes.  Yes we will.  And often.  Back to my point, I have talked before how the kiddos go to this amazing school that teaches you to be Men for Others.  I was reminded of that again this week.  How does that tie into my soundtrack?  Give me a minute, I will always come around to my point.

This week, the basketball program - Freshman through Varsity, coaches included - did something that brought tears to this 'I don't cry it is a sign of weakness' heart.  They shaved their heads from a #3-#5.  Teenage boys, in the heart of Sadie Hawkins time, shaved their heads.

Why?  Because one of the freshman player's little sister has cancer and is starting chemo and they wanted to show their support.  These boys didn't think about what their short hair looks might be, didn't worry about what others might say.  The kiddo? Well his hair is already a #3 so he didn't have to shave his but said he would have.  I showed up to the Varsity game last night and the head coach had his head shaved, the other freshman coach I almost didn't recognize as he was all but bald.

So what is my point?  I was listening to music, dancing around my kitchen while the promised brownies cooked for the most important men in my life, and Home came on.  It hit me again, my boys are home.  Their school that we spent all of dinner talking about, the school they get to at 6:45ish every morning, the school they are at for no less than 12 hours a day.  The school that they have found friends, young and old, mentors, also young and old; the school where they have found family.  These Men for Others are home; and this week the home shaved their heads for one of their own in their home.

Teenage boys might not be the easiest to understand, the easiest to be patient with, the easiest to understand, but this week?  They certainly are the easiest to emulate when it comes to finding family and a Home.

IT IS WORKING!!!

Before the past couple years, I didn't have much experience with transplants.  I didn't know the process, the difficulty, I could only imagine the hopelessness felt by the recipients and their families as they waited.

Then came the heart and the kidney.

Late last year they found a heart.  It didn't work out - God had other plans, but today?  Today the kidney was found AND IT IS WORKING.

Trey is the brother of a dear family friend that my mother has one of those more like family than a friend relationships with, and has for a few years.   Today his wife, his 4 kids, his family and his friends get to celebrate because the kidney is working. Here is his story:

At 19 years of age, due to kidney failure, Trey received a kidney transplant from their father. In August of 2010, he discovered he had renal cell carcinoma in this kidney. Thankfully, there were no signs of metastasis. He underwent surgery in an attempt to remove the tumor but save the kidney. Unfortunately, the entire kidney had to be removed. Since that day, Trey has been on dialysis three nights a week. While they are grateful for dialysis as it keeps him alive, it causes serious damage to his body and greatly decreases his quality of life. His sister, Ashleigh, was the anticipated donor. However, due to a previous transplant and blood transfusions, Trey has developed an extremely high antibody count, causing her and 11 other family members to not be a match. 

They worked with the Mayo Clinic, until yesterday.  Yesterday Trey and the family headed to Chicago to take part in a 14 person chain for a new kidney.  Today, THE KIDNEY IS WORKING.

I believe in God, I believe in Angels and I believe in the power of prayer.  We have asked for prayers and I know God works at his schedule (want to hear God laugh?  Tell him your plans!), and today our prayers were answered and not only did Trey get a kidney, the kidney is working.

We are still waiting on a heart, but I know God has a plan, even when we aren't patient enough for it.

Today?  Today we celebrate the kidney.  AND IT IS WORKING.

Plant Your Feet - 5 seconds of amazing is totally worth it

Recently, I spent a lot of time in a basketball gym.  As I watched from the stands I saw boys set themselves up, hard, in the lane, hands crossed low and feet planted firmly, waiting for the oncoming offensive to try to charge over them towards the basket.  Bodies hit, feet held firm and as the defender fell the whistle blew -CHARGE AGAINST WHITE.  The Blue jerseys and fans cheered - turn over on white.  The crowd goes wild and the coach gives a high five from the stands.  Way to go kid - how much we can learn from you!!!

It might hurt, and you will fall if you do it right, hard, feet up in the air and wind knocked out of you.  If you have ever planted and received the powerful charge you know that it can feel like the world is crashing on you and yet you get the ball.  You stand up and are in control.  This is one of the greatest calls you can get as a baller.   You will be the hero of your bench for that 5 seconds.  Hero of the stands.  Hero of your school. You might not smile on the outside as you take those low fives running back on offense but inside you are smiling and cheering.  5 seconds of amazement.

As adults, too often we worry about what everyone else might think.  We don't plant our feet and stand our ground and take that charge, get up and smile inside.

Let's do it.  Take your stand.  Plant your feet. Get the wind knocked out of you.  Be a hero for your friends, your family, for yourself.  Smile inside and run back on offense.  Learn from that kid in the lane, 5 seconds of amazing is totally worth it.